Author's Note: This was written just for my own guilty pleasure some time ago – definitely before season 4 aired. I liked my idea of Mum returning in Dan’s body more than I originally thought. And this plot bunny wouldn’t leave me alone… I never planned to post it, but somebody convinced me ;)
It would make more sense if you read my story “What are the odds?” first.
Summary: Following my story “What are the odds?”. Dan and Lucifer work a case together when Lucifer takes a heedless risk with his life. In order to avoid Mum’s return in Dan’s body, he offers to let Dan take care of it.
Disclaimer : I don’t own any of these characters, and I’m not making any money from this story.
Warnings : non-consensual spanking of an adult. I do not advocate this behaviour in real life, only in fiction.

Nobody Likes a Tattletale

“Daniel, I’m telling you this is highly unnecessary,” Lucifer complained loudly and vehemently and what felt like for the hundredth time. Daniel, however, either seemed to be deeply unimpressed by his input or incredibly slow on the uptake. Lucifer doubted that it was the latter since he’d voiced his complaints so often by now that even Daniel with his snail-like thinking process must have caught up.

“And I gave you the options,” Dan replied, gathering his belongings swiftly and not once looking up to appreciate Lucifer’s prompting look. “But since you decided to be an even bigger pain-in-the-ass today than usual, I’ll repeat myself: put on the bullet-proofed vest and follow my orders or you can just as well stay here and cool your heels. Your choice.” He straightened up, securing his gun and badge properly before finally meeting Lucifer’s eyes. And since there really wasn’t anything sensible to reply, Lucifer whined instead.

“But it’s unnecessary, Daniel! – You remember the whole immortality thing?”

“I don’t care,” Dan said, infuriatingly calm. “And don’t even try to fib me. I talked to your Mother and she told me all about that glitch in your immortality. – You’re wearing a vest and that’s final.” Gritting his teeth and bristling at his Mother’s interference, he couldn’t just let the topic drop – and Daniel win. Daniel had developed a strange and sudden interest in his wellbeing since Mum decided to use his body as a vessel every now and then to pop in on her children. As if one mother hen wasn’t quite enough to deal with.

“But think about the creases!”

“I’m leaving in two minutes. Make up your mind.” Dan focussed his attention on checking his gear one last time, clearly dismissing him, and Lucifer bit back a sigh. He should just stay here and properly mess up the Douche’s desk in retaliation for his stubbornness, but he wasn’t that petty. And besides, he really, really wanted to catch that particular scumbag. Using his wife’s daycare to set up a kiddie porn ring and then trying to blame it all on her when her assistant (who he’d also abused and raped) killed herself were not things you just did on a whim. There had been a special place in Hell for scum like him when Lucifer himself had run the place. He really hoped that it still existed. But in case it didn’t he really wanted and needed to chat with Keith first – put the fear of the Devil in him, if you will. And for that to work it was pertinent that he was at the bust.

Heaving a put-upon sigh, he relished his pristine suit one last time, before grudgingly turning his eyes to Daniel.

“Fine,” he agreed, shrugging out of his suit jacket. “I’ll wear the horrendous thing.”

“That horrendous thing might save your life,” Dan retorted, handing him the spare vest. He very reluctantly took it and slipped it on, mindful to spare his dress shirt as much as possible.

He shouldn’t have bothered though, because Dan stepped around the desk and readjusted the straps, fastening them much tighter than Lucifer would have liked and probably creasing the fine linen beyond repair.

“This stays on until I say otherwise,” Dan ordered imploringly.

“Yes, yes.” Lucifer agreed quickly, waving him off. Seriously, where did the concern come from all of a sudden? “You sound like a broken record. – Or Mum. With all your needless admonishing.” He pitched his voice an octave higher. “Don’t slouch, Lucifer. Don’t pull your sister’s hair, Lucifer. Don’t set your brother’s wings on fire, Lucifer. – And just for the record, that last one wasn’t my fault.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t,” Dan replied with a wry smile.

“Thank you. Maybe you can carry that nugget of wisdom to my Mother, instead of reporting to her about my sleeping habits.” Dan hummed noncommittally, checking the vest again.

“Now, focus,” he said, voice growing stern. Well, sterner. He had been nothing but dreadfully stern all day. Lecturing and admonishing and “pay attention, Lucifer”. What a bore.

Noticing that Daniel was still talking, he made an effort to zone back into the latest lecture. Not that he hadn’t heard it already – several times actually. “This stays on,” Dan repeated again, poking his chest with a finger. “And you stay back.”

“I’ll be fine, Daniel,” he said impatiently, but Dan just looked deeply unimpressed. “I promise to wear it.”

“You mean it?”

“My word is my bound.” Daniel still looked slightly sceptical for a few beats, but then apparently decided to let it go.

“Okay. Then let’s go.”

“Finally.”

*

To say that the bust had been a disaster would be a crass understatement. They had charged as planned, Lucifer had confronted the bad guy (as he had planned), much to Daniel’s chagrin. And everything had gone downhill from there. Who would have thought that Keith had developed a penchant for guns all of a sudden? Certainly not Lucifer.

That was why he was actually surprised when Keith pulled it out of his pants. The gun, mind you, not his junk. Aimed, and fired without so much as a warning. Not that he had been awfully concerned about some pesky human weapon.

He should have been though.

The bullet hit him squarely in the chest – and it hurt! It felt like being kicked by a horse. Not that he had much experience with this sort of thing, but he imagined that it must be similar. Not pleasant, at any rate. To make matters even worse, the impact forced the air out of his lungs quite suddenly and then it just stayed out. He tried inhaling, but for some reason it just wouldn’t work!

After that he was dimly aware of orders being shouted, shots fired, and police rushing around the room, as he slowly sank to his knees, clutching at his chest while struggling to get his lungs to work properly again. He didn’t know how much time had passed – it felt like an eternity but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds – when Daniel’s face appeared in his line of sight.

“What on earth were you thinking?” Daniel asked with barely contained anger. And Lucifer would have replied something awfully witty, if he weren’t still trying to get his breath back. Struggling to get oxygen into his lungs and not succeeding, he might have been on his way to full-blown panic, but of course, he’d never admit that.

Daniel eased him into a sitting position, and as if reading his mind, loosened the straps of the vest that felt increasingly constricting with every breath that he didn’t take. He gulped in a mouthful of air that caused his chest to spasm in pain. Dad, it hurt! He wanted to curl up into a ball and just lie there motionless until the pain subsided – or he suffocated. Daniel’s hands thwarted that notion though, and he was forced to remain upright. He gulped in another painful breath that didn’t even come close to bringing the relief he so desperately sought. He needed to breathe properly! Right now!

Dan’s hand cupped his chin, forcing him to look at his worried face.

“Hey, hey,” he soothed, and tapped his cheek lightly when his gaze wandered again, wondering why Daniel’s voice was so muffled. As if Lucifer’s ears were filled with cotton or Daniel was a lot farther away than it looked. “You’ll be fine. Just concentrate on my breathing.” He inhaled visibly and exhaled through his mouth, eyes prompting Lucifer to copy him. It took him a few moments and several more painful spasms to calm down enough to do so, but Daniel’s expression was oddly comforting and he felt the tension drain from his taut muscles until he was able to draw in a few stuttering breaths. He slumped back against the wall, wondering briefly how he had got there, but decided quickly that it wasn’t worth the effort. Dan’s hand had moved to the back of his neck, squeezing comfortingly and he shut his eyes as he attempted to gather his bearings.

“Oh, this is… quite unpleasant,” Lucifer finally voiced with a groan and a cough, hand reaching up to touch the spot on his chest that was screaming with pain. But the bullet-proofed vest was still in the way and he only managed to scratch uselessly at the unyielding surface, until Dan pushed his hand away and started to pull it off him one-handedly. Lucifer briefly admired his nimbleness.

Next he started in on the buttons of his shirt, batting Lucifer’s hand as it once more crept up to prod at his chest. It was a bit awkward sitting there while Daniel undressed him with mind-boggling efficiency. The look on his face was also not promising at all, now that he wasn’t worried about his painful death by suffocation.

“If you wanted to see me naked, you’d only have to ask,” Lucifer quipped in an attempt to lighten the mood. It failed horribly. Dan threw him a scorching glare that reminded him so much of his parents’ disapproving expressions when he’d sorely tempted their patience that he snapped his mouth shut and averted his eyes before making a conscious decision to do so.

“I cannot believe you did that,” Dan said angrily, pulling the shirt back and examining the already blossoming bruise on his chest. It looked as bad as it felt. “You’re gonna have to let the paramedics look at that.”

“I’m sure that’s not…” he trailed off, as Daniel once again glared at him. Clearing his throat awkwardly a few times, he tried again, “I just need to get away from the Detective.”

“It wasn’t a suggestion,” Dan replied, and Lucifer decided that it was probably best to keep his mouth shut. Someone had once advised him to pick his battles and this appeared to be one he couldn’t win. So he let the paramedics do their job with minimal fuss, all under the watchful eye of Detective Douche. Daniel managed the scene without once leaving his side which made it incredibly difficult to manipulate the man prodding his chest. Thankfully no tampering was necessary, as Clive announced that his ribs weren’t broken. Just bruised. He was handed an ice pack and told to keep it easy for the next couple of days.

He nodded dutifully.

Afterwards he was transferred to the Douche’s car, put in the passenger seat like a child or an invalid and told to keep the ice on his chest and stay put. He bristled at being dismissed so easily, but at the same time felt grateful to sit down and nurse his wound in solitude. Daniel even switched on the engine and the heater to make him more comfortable. The Detective stopped at his side for a short moment, inquiring about his wellbeing and bringing comfort with a soothing touch to the back of his neck and arm that had him longing for more.

She didn’t stay long, though, and shortly after that Daniel joined him in the car. The perp had been mirandaed and brought to the station by a squad car. The Detective and Miss Lopez were taking over the immediate work at the scene, freeing Daniel to return to the precinct and type out his report. Lucifer would have to fill out several forms himself, explaining why he had got hurt in their bust. He didn’t fancy that. Not that he fancied any form of paperwork. But having to explain his actions was particularly bothersome, since he didn’t make a habit of reflecting on his behaviour.

He shifted in his seat to properly stare at Daniel who was awfully quiet, still a bit miffed about the whole predicament.

“Well, that didn’t go as planned,” Lucifer said, as he couldn’t stand the uncomfortable silence any longer.

“Oh geez, I wonder why.” There sure was an unsettling amount of sarcasm behind that statement, Lucifer thought, and that was never a good sign. He fiddled with the ice pack before dropping it in his lap, watching Daniel grip the steering wheel tighter than strictly necessary. “Keep that on your chest!” He reached over, grabbed the discarded soggy thing and pushed it back on the bruise. Lucifer couldn’t help but wince slightly, although Daniel’s touch was surprisingly soft considering the tautness of the rest of his body.

“It’s getting better already,” he replied, but dutifully did as he was told. “I told you that I only needed to get farther away from the Detective.” Daniel just glared at him.

“I cannot believe that you’d do something so incredibly stupid!” Daniel growled, fist hitting his own thigh angrily. “What on earth were you thinking?”

“That I’d catch the bad guy and give him a preview of what’s waiting for him in Hell,” Lucifer replied slowly. He would have thought that much was obvious, but again Daniel managed to surprise him with incredibly slowness.

“Geez, Lucifer,” he sighed. “Are you trying to get yourself killed? You must have known that was dangerous!”

“Not really,” he quipped. “Immortal, remember?”

“That sure doesn’t look like immortality to me,” Dan replied, gesturing towards his injury.

“Well, that’s hardly my fault, now is it?”

Daniel had the audacity to laugh at him, not a pleasant laugh, mind you, and he scowled back.

“I should just let your Mother deal with you,” Dan muttered angrily, hands tightening further on the steering wheel, and Lucifer felt slightly taken aback by the sudden change of topic.

“Tattling? Really, Daniel? No wonder nobody likes you.” His fingers gripped even tighter, knuckles turning white, as he took several deep breaths. Lucifer briefly wondered if his jaw could snap in two if he gritted his teeth any harder.

“She’s livid, by the way,” Dan informed him, forcing Lucifer’s attention away from the muscle working furiously in the other man’s jaw. He eyed him warily. His Mother being angry was never a good sign, and definitely cause to stop his mesmerizing about whether or not Daniel’s jaw bone would break. “It took a lot to reassure her that you’re fine and that I have everything under control.”

“And do you?” He didn’t. But the last person who needed to know that was Mum.

“She doesn’t think so,” Dan admitted. “She says I’m being too lenient and that you deserve a good spanking for taking such a senseless risk with your life.” Lucifer felt his face heating up at Dan’s candid words. “So I’d watch my tone, if I were you. Or I might decide that she’s right.” He glared at him, before redirecting his attention to the road in front of them, leaving Lucifer to fight his blush in solitude. “Not that I disagree with her.” And there it returned with a vengeance.

“If the Detective hadn’t-”

“Do not blame this on Chloe or anybody else but yourself,” Dan interrupted him sharply, a finger raised and pointing threateningly at his face. Slightly startled, Lucifer could do nothing else but stare back, wondering where the sudden vehemence stemmed from. “This wouldn’t have happened if you had followed my orders. Chloe being there had nothing to do with that.”

“But I wouldn’t have got hurt if she had been farther away!” Lucifer exclaimed loudly, as he found his voice again. Surely even Daniel would see the logic behind that statement! “And you wouldn’t have your knickers in such a twist.” Making a split decision, Daniel veered the car to a stop at the side of the road and turned to properly face Lucifer.

“I am not angry that you got hurt, Lucifer,” he said painfully slowly, as if explaining something to a particularly dim-witted child. “I am angry because you didn’t listen to me. I gave you an order, you promised to heed it, and you didn’t. – I don’t appreciate being lied to.”

“But I never lied!” Lucifer protested loudly. And he didn’t! He had been careful about that. “I promised to wear the vest! I never said anything about staying back.” The furious expression was back on Daniel’s face, and for a split second Lucifer debated whether dealing with his Mother wouldn’t be preferable to this. At least he’d know how to handle Mum.

“Deception is still lying,” Daniel forced out through gritted teeth. “You knew what I meant and you purposely went against it.”

“Did I now?”

“You know what,” Daniel started with an angry huff. “I’m taking you home and then your Mother can deal with this. Maybe she’ll get through to you.” Cold dread pooled low in his stomach as Dan turned away and eased the car back into traffic. Lucifer’s brain worked furiously to find a way out of that particular predicament.

“Daniel!” Lucifer exclaimed, before quickly changing his tone to something softer, soothing. “Daniel, let’s be reasonable here. There is no need to bring my Mother into this.”

“I disagree. There’s plenty of reason.”

“Can’t we talk about this?”

“We did. We disagreed. Now you can disagree with her,” Dan said cold-heartedly. As if he didn’t know exactly what Mum would do once she got her hands on him. He could disagree all he wanted with her, it wouldn’t change the outcome. “You seem hell-bent on risking your life for stupid reasons and I will not stand by and watch you kill yourself with one of your hare-brained stunts.”

“But surely there’s no need to involve my Mother,” Lucifer hedged. He didn’t want to agree with Daniel, but he could see the reasoning behind his actions. He just didn’t like them. But he liked even less having to explain his actions to his Mother. Partly because she wouldn’t like his reasoning and partly because he was afraid of her reaction.

“Frankly put, I’m out of ideas here,” Daniel replied. “Obviously talking to you doesn’t work. At least not when I’m doing it.”

“You do realise that Mum will most likely do more than talk, right?” he asked, incredulity clear in his voice. He hadn’t pegged Daniel as the malicious type, perhaps it had simply slipped his mind that he’d had prime seats to the spectacle last time. Or he’d buried the memory so deep that he couldn’t remember. Dad knew, Lucifer had tried that. Maybe Daniel had been more successful. His brain was equipped with only very limited capacity and he probably had to discard information on a regular basis to avoid overexertion.

“I do,” Dan simply replied. “She’s been very frank about what she’ll do.”

“And you still choose to tattle like a little snitch?” Lucifer asked. “Some friend you are.”

“Are we? Are we really friends, Lucifer?” Daniel said angrily. “Because from where I’m standing you have not treated me like a friend today. Friends don’t lie to each other.”

“I didn’t-”

“Don’t say it!” Again Daniel raised his finger warningly, but didn’t take his eyes off the road. Lucifer snapped his mouth shut, swallowing his complaints with some difficulty. He really didn’t want Mum involved. For… apparent reasons. He needed to find a way to change Dan’s mind about this whole matter. He did feel bad about worrying him. Especially because they had formed this fragile bond over the last few weeks after the whole fiasco with Mum appearing in his body. He had been kind. Had not brought up once what had happened. Had even interfered a few times on Lucifer’s behalf. And Lucifer highly appreciated that.

There had to be a way out that was less embarrassing than what was awaiting him right now!

“We don’t have to call Mum,” Lucifer said softly, as a sudden thought struck him. “I mean, if you deem me in need of correction, she doesn’t have to be the one to dish it out.” It would be far less embarrassing if Dan punished him! Especially since it probably wouldn’t hurt because Daniel was human! Daniel would be appeased; he would pretend to be properly chastised while not getting punished for something he didn’t feel bad doing; Mum would stay safely in her own universe, and everybody would be happy! It was genius!

“What? You want me to put you over my knee?” Daniel asked, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Well, want is a strong word. – And it doesn’t have to be that,” Lucifer added quickly. “Maybe some other form of correction? Or just, you know, not over your knee.” He bit back the “like a child”, not thinking that it would do him any favour to voice it. Daniel eyed him suspiciously. “You have a child. You must have some experience or repertoire to choose from.” He didn’t think Daniel and the Detective were as old-fashioned in their approach to child-rearing as his own parents. And that would play well into his cards. He could deal with whatever Daniel came up with, preferably something that didn’t involve getting his arse tanned.

“I don’t think putting you in time-out is going to do you any good,” Daniel replied wryly. “Or grounding you.”

“You could give it a try,” he offered selfishly. “You won’t know until you’ve tried it.” Daniel frowned at him.

“What am I supposed to ground you from anyway? – Watching TV? Do you even do that? And who’s going to ensure you won’t break your grounding?”

“I’m sure you can think of something,” Lucifer hedged. He could see that there might be possible complications in that endeavour. But grounding sounded like an approach to parenting that Daniel was comfortable with. Not that he needed to be parented, mind you. But it could be a splendid form of punishment to correct errant civilian consultants, who weren’t particularly sorry about what they’d done but needed to appease their partners. Preferable to Mum’s choice, anyway.

“No, your Mother had the right idea.” Well, that didn’t go as planned. But it couldn’t be helped now. Then he’d just have to work on convincing Daniel that he should be the one to do it. At least it wouldn’t hurt that way.

“Then do that,” Lucifer said, although the other options sounded much better and less embarrassing. “I promise to yield to whatever you deem necessary.” He kept a firm lid on the hope and glee that threatened to bubble up as he realised that he might get away with this. It wouldn’t hurt. He just had to pretend that it did. Marvellous!

Daniel threw him another scrutinising look, apparently trying to decide what to do.

“How is this supposed to go down though?” Daniel asked after some time.

“I’m sure you know how it usually works. Didn’t your parents use corporal punishment?”

“They did. But that happened when I was a child.” Daniel huffed uncertainly. “And once when I was about seventeen.”

“So, just do what they did,” Lucifer suggested.

“I don’t know, man,” Daniel hedged. “I’ve never even done this before and I don’t feel comfortable doing it.”

Thinking quickly, Lucifer said, “Please don’t call Mum, Daniel.” He willed a note of desperation to his voice that wasn’t hard to find. He really didn’t want Mum to appear. Daniel was a nice guy; he wouldn’t want to throw him under the bus even if he was exasperated about his actions. Instead he would try to make this awful experience as pleasant for Lucifer as he possibly could. If he could convince him that he’d rather have Daniel deal with him, he would do it, he was sure.

Daniel studied him closely as they waited at a red light, still looking unsure. Lucifer didn’t even have to fake the blush that crept up his neck as he thought about being put over his Mother’s knee if she decided to make an appearance. And there was no doubt in his mind that that was exactly where he would end up. “It’s – it’s embarrassing,” he added, averting his eyes from Daniel’s scrutiny. The other man took a deep breath, sighing heavily.

“Fine,” he agreed softly. “You’re not gonna fight me on this?”

“No. No, I promise,” he agreed quickly. “Just – don’t call Mum.”

“All right,” he said after some time. “We’re stopping at Lux and deal with this. Then we’ll go to the precinct to write our statements.” Lucifer grimaced slightly at that. He had hoped that he’d get a bit of reprieve and time to get in the right frame of mind to pretend to be in pain once Daniel started whaling on him.

The remaining, very short track, to Lux was spent in uncomfortable silence. With Daniel most likely pondering the sensibility of his choice and how to proceed, while Lucifer hoped that he’d be able to pull this off. He was also having a hard time convincing himself that what he was about to do wasn’t actually lying.

It was closer to bluffing, really.

He could do bluffing .

Still, his conscience nagged unpleasantly.

They arrived at his penthouse a lot sooner than he would have liked, stepping into the vast space and all of a sudden, Lucifer felt apprehension grip him tightly. He shuffled his feet uncertainly, not sure how to proceed. Daniel hadn’t been very chatty and not knowing what was in store for him made his limbs fidget nervously.

Thankfully Daniel seemed to have come to peace with their situation.

“Go and get a paddle. I’m sure you have one,” Dan ordered and Lucifer was just about to offer his two cents, when, “One inappropriate or lewd comment out of your mouth and I’ll double what you have coming.” He snapped his mouth shut with an audible click. It was going to be hard enough pretending that it hurt; he didn’t need to be hit more times than strictly necessary.

He retreated to his walk-in closet, debating what kind of implement to take back to Daniel. Of course he owned a paddle, several actually, and he eyed them warily. He picked up a nice wooden one that roughly resembled something that might have been used at a school, but quickly discarded it again. Wood was not flexible enough and the risk of it breaking across his bum if he couldn’t feel pain was too great.

He let his eyes roam across the possibilities, settling on a more flexible solution made of black leather. It was roughly 17 inches long with a nice sturdy handle and a 5 inch wide and 11 inch long slapper. His various partners had all recommended it for further use. It was flexible enough to not break and would produce a satisfying sound with each smack.

He grabbed it quickly, and returned to find Daniel behind his couch. A pillow had been placed on the couch seat, probably to make his position more comfortable. Another surge of guilt swept through him at that. It was not fair to trick Daniel like that.

On the other hand he really, really didn’t want a sore backside.

Shucking the pesky feeling, he handed Daniel the paddle, watching as he hefted it in his hand, before, to Lucifer’s utter surprise, slapping it down on his own thigh. Daniel grimaced slightly, but apparently decided that it would do. He gestured towards Lucifer’s chest with his free hand.

“Let me see the bruise again,” he ordered. “I don’t want to make that worse.”

“It’s fine,” Lucifer was quick to reassure, but nevertheless slipped his suit jacket off and unbuttoned his shirt for Daniel to see. The bruise was already beginning to turn from purple to green in some places.

“How’s the pain?” he asked.

“It’s fine,” Lucifer repeated. “Really, Daniel, it’s healing already.”

“All right,” he said. “And you feel up to this?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then.” He gestured towards the back of the couch. “Bend over.” Taking the time to button his shirt first, Lucifer turned towards the couch and took a deep breath, before quickly leaning forward. He rested his elbows on the seat, gripping the pillow tightly. Daniel took up stance to his left and put one hand lightly on the small of his back. It felt oddly reassuring and Lucifer had to fight another surge of guilt at his deception.

“All right,” Daniel started, and tapped the paddle against his butt. Lucifer was so deeply immersed in his own thoughts that he belatedly realised that even that light tap shouldn’t have been noticeable. He steeled himself, recalling all the times he’d been in this situation and the appropriate noises and squirming that went along with it. “You don’t lie to me. Lying by omission and deceit are still lying and it could have resulted in serious injury,” Dan lectured calmly. “You’re getting ten for that.” He raised the paddle before snapping it down sharply on his backside.

Lucifer sucked in a surprised breath, almost rising from his prone position. It hurt! His mind reeling, he didn’t have time to think about this unexpected turn of events as the second slap landed, producing an equally unpleasant sting.

“Ow!” he complained loudly. How could his plan have backfired so spectacularly? A third smack landed and the muscles in his legs grew taut. This was not supposed to be happening!

“Ah!” he exclaimed, hands clenching the pillow desperately at the fourth smack. “It hurts!”

“What did you expect?” Daniel had the audacity to ask as he slapped the paddle down a fifth time. Lucifer rose slightly in response to the sharp pain, but Daniel’s hand on his back held him in place.

“It’s just- ow!” He pressed his tightly-clenched fists to his eyes, his foot stomping the floor once. “Can you… give me a moment?”

“No,” Daniel replied cold-heartedly, smacking him again. By now he’d embarrassingly already lost count. “You do not get to dictate how this goes down.” Another painful whack and he yelped in response, his hands itching to shield his backside from further harm. It ended with two stinging slaps to his sit-spots and he heaved a sigh of relieve as Daniel paused. Trying to sort his jumbled thoughts, he reached back to rub at his butt, only to have his wrist captured and held at the small of his back. He strained once, but Daniel held tight, the paddle tapping his rear end in warning.

It was not supposed to go down like this! He’d had a perfect plan! Why did it hurt all of a sudden? He looked over his shoulder at Daniel, a sudden thought occurring.

“Mum?” he asked, eyes scanning Daniel’s face desperately. But his face only puckered in confusion as he regarded him.

“No,” Daniel replied. “I told you I wouldn’t call your Mother here. I thought we agreed on that.”

“No- I mean, yes! We did!” Lucifer agreed, his cheeks heating. “I was just…” he trailed off not quite knowing what to say. Daniel studied him a few more seconds, until Lucifer couldn’t stand to look at him any longer and rested his head on the pillow again.

“You were just what?” Daniel asked, his hand squeezing his wrist comfortingly.

“Nothing,” he replied quickly, the blush intensifying. “Just continue, please.”

“Okay,” Dan said after another uncomfortable pause. He tapped his backside a couple more times and Lucifer tensed. “If I give you an order, you are supposed to obey. Disobedience could get you killed in our field of work. Do you understand that?”

“Yes,” he agreed quickly, desperate to have this whole ordeal over with quickly.

“You’re getting fifteen for that.”

“Fifteen?” he asked incredulously, and his butt clenched in anticipation. But Daniel didn’t dignify his inquiry with a response; he merely raised the paddle again and let it snap against his backside.

“Ow!” he immediately complained. He hadn’t anticipated for any of this to hurt, therefore he was sorely unprepared for the pain and his body reacted accordingly. He yelped and whined his way through Daniel’s unrelenting ministrations, squirming and writhing in response to the sharp pain, but the wicked paddle kept finding its target and soon he felt the first tears leaking out of the corner of his eyes.

“Daniel!” he yelled in a desperate attempt to evoke leniency, but the paddle kept slapping down viciously. It produced a very, very unpleasant sting and he wondered how anyone could recommend this for pleasure. Maybe they hadn’t been hit as hard.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of misery, Daniel stopped, but didn’t release his wrist.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, wiping at his face with his free hand.

“I’m sure you are,” Daniel replied, then the paddle descended again in a powerful wallop right at the crease where butt met thigh and Lucifer rose up on his toes, free hand scrambling for something to use as leverage to pull himself forward.

“AH!” Dan slapped him again in exactly the same spot, and he squirmed to get away; to pull himself as far away as possible from the sharp sting.

“That’s for trying to trick me,” Dan said, smacking him again. He writhed, tears welling up in his eyes again, and with another hearty slap they spilled over.

“Ow! ow! ow!” He wriggled his butt and stomped his feet, but another smack landed. Then, thankfully, it was over, Daniel released his wrist and patted his back soothingly.

“All done,” he said softly, dropping the paddle on the couch. Lucifer threw it a hateful look as he tried to get his breathing under control and wiped furiously at his tear-streaked face. “Come on.” Daniel gently helped him to rise from his prone position and turned him around. He’d rather have had a few more seconds to get his facial expression under control, but Daniel was adamant. He wiped at his eyes again, keeping his face angled at the floor, and hoping he didn’t look quite as pathetic as he felt. One hand reached back and carefully rubbed his bum.

Daniel clasped a heavy hand on his shoulder, and Lucifer forced himself to look up.

“Do not scare me like that again,” he ordered. “I don’t need any more grey hair than I already have.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, as the scrutiny was getting uncomfortable – and he hated to admit it, but he really was sorry. “About everything.”

“It’s all right,” Daniel replied. “You’re forgiven.” He pulled him into a hug with a heavy hand at the back of his neck that squeezed comfortingly, before he pushed him back again. “But do not try to trick me like that again.” He blushed at being called out so candidly and dropped his gaze to the floor. That had been a spectacular fail.

“Yes, that was…”

“A pretty shitty thing to do,” Dan concluded. “Be grateful that I wouldn’t let your Mother come and take care of it when she figured out your plan.” Lucifer blushed some more. “Seriously, you managed to piss her off pretty bad with that. And I thought she couldn’t get any madder after you charged that suspect.”

“Thank you,” he settled to say, although he itched to know why Daniel had been able to cause him pain. It went against every stupid rule his Father had ever invented. Maybe it had something to do with Mum using his body as a vessel. But that was a topic for another time, when he wasn’t quite as prone to blushing as he was now.

“All right,” Dan said, clapping him on the shoulder again. “Go wash up. We have to get to the precinct and write our reports.”

“Now?” Lucifer asked incredulously, hand checking his butt again. It was sore!

“Of course, now,” Dan replied. “Go on.” He made a shooing motion towards the bathroom.

“But…” he started only to cut himself off. “Is that really necessary?”

“Move it, Lucifer,” Dan said, pushing at his shoulder. “It is more than necessary. We have to find a way to explain why you got hurt that doesn’t get the both of us fired and then, while I type my detailed report, glossing over your less than stellar moments, you will have plenty of time to write down why listening to direct orders and actually heeding them would have saved you a lot of trouble today. And why you won’t do anything quite as stupid ever again.”

“What? You must be joking?”

“I’m not. – Now get ready. You have two minutes or I’m dragging you to the station like that.” He motioned towards Lucifer’s tear-streaked face, before making a show of checking his watch. Throwing him another desperate look, Lucifer slowly retreated to the bathroom, already signing himself to his unfortunate fate.

*

And true to Dan’s word, he got to spend the rest of the afternoon and early evening squirming uncomfortably in a chair next to Daniel’s desk. The Douche had made good on his threat and put a legal pad and pen in front of him, after Lucifer had handed over the necessary forms for civilian consultants.

He’d tried wheedling his way out of his predicament, but Daniel had simply tapped the pad with a warning finger. So, with a heavy sigh, he had got to work, and presented Daniel with his magnum opus after a few minutes. Only to have Dan crumble and discard the paper after reading it. He heartlessly ordered him to do it again. Properly this time, if he ever wanted to get out of that chair.