Author's Note: This story is the result of an RPG (roll playing game) between me and my good friend Jenna. She is playing both Ben and Debbie, and I am playing Michael. This story takes place during 'Episode 307' of Queer as Folk. It starts off the morning after the pivotal scene between Michael and Ben where Michael in an effort to get Ben to stop using steroids threatens to infect himself with HIV using one of Ben's discarded needles.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, and I am not making any money from these stories.
Warning: Non consensual disciplinary spanking of an adult by a romantic partner. Non consensual disciplinary spanking of an adult by a parent.
Michael almost couldn't believe his plan had worked. Not that his plan had been so much a plan, as a gut reaction to his anger over Ben's steroid use. He'd wanted to break through to Ben, and apparently he had, because Ben had just told him that he was going to stop using the steroids. Not only that, but he also invited him to the memorial service. Michael gave Ben a look of relief mixed with love as he said, "You sure you want me there?"
Ben brought Michael to him in a warm embrace, "I want you with me always Michael. You should know that, just like you should know not to ever scare me like that! What you did last night was risky and dangerous on so many levels. What if you'd have slipped? What if... what if..." Ben trailed off shaking his head as the thoughts of him being the cause of Mikey contracting HIV scattered his thoughts to a point he could no longer speak.
Michael hugged him back, closed his eyes, and took in his scent as he felt a peace wash over him that he hadn't felt in weeks. He hated fighting with Ben. It always left him feeling almost queasy. His mouth quirked up in a little smile as Ben trailed off. Michael could hear the genuine fear in Ben's voice and thought it served him right for all the worrying he'd caused Michael over the past few weeks. Michael hugged Ben tighter and said, "But it worked, and that's what really counts."
Ben was comforted that Mikey had forgiven him and enjoyed the embrace that they were sharing, but when Michael commented that his tactic to get Ben to quit using steroids was more important than keeping himself safe, Ben was outraged. He grabbed Mikey by the shoulders and held him at arm's length, "But it worked? Mikey, I know what I was doing was in no way right, but putting yourself in danger should never be considered okay in any situation. And if you think that your behavior last night was acceptable because 'it worked' you're sadly mistaken. As a matter of fact, since you seem to think making bold gestures to get your point across is the best way to deal with a situation, perhaps I should employ a similar tactic to make you realize how much you scared me." Without another word, Ben took a hold of Mikey's bicep and started to drag him towards the bed a few feet away.
Michael lost his smile as Ben pulled him out of the hug, and was surprised at the amount of anger and frustration on Ben's face as he let him know what he thought of last night's events. Michael shook his head no a fraction of an inch when Ben said he should 'employ a similar tactic', thinking that didn't sound good. Michael let himself be pulled towards the bed and said with a slightly raised voice, "Me putting myself in danger? What about you? You were the one putting that shit in your body every day. You should be thanking me for scaring you, if that's what it took to make you quit!"
Ben didn't say a word as he stopped in front of the bed and began unbuttoning and unzipping Michael's pants. His hands were nimble as he had done this to Michael on several occasions in the past albeit not for the intended purposes this morning. With a quick gesture, Ben yanked down Michael's pants and took hold of his arm once more, "Like I said Michael, I wasn't right, but at least I can realize that fact. And you know what? You're right it did work, but two wrongs still don't make a right."
Michael stood still while Ben was undoing his pants, not quite sure what to make of it, and slightly apprehensive about the whole situation. But he was also still pissed and was never good at keeping his mouth shut. "Well maybe I think they do!"
He tried to pull his arm away and added, "And what the fuck do you think you're doing?"
Ben held his grip tightly enough not to let Michael get away from him as he stated, "What am I doing? I'm going to show you just how much I never want to see you compromising your safety to make a point to me again," Ben didn't wait for a reply as he sat on the bed's edge deftly yanking Michael down over his knees.
Michael landed over Ben's lap with a surprised grunt. His eyes went wide with shock at what this position implied. He was too surprised to struggle. He craned his head back over his shoulder to try and see Ben's face and gave him a nervous, "Ben?"
Ben pulled Michael forward so that he could wrap his leg around both of Mikey's as he secured Mikey's hip into his stomach to further immobilize Michael. His expression never changed remaining concentrated on the task at hand as he brought his palm down on Michael's upturned bottom with a deafening smack.
Michael could only see Ben's profile from his position, but he didn't like what he saw. The only thought Michael's brain could come up with was, 'He's not fooling around - he's serious' and that thought was confirmed as he felt himself being secured in position. Michael gasped at the sound and feel of the first swat. It brought him out of his shock and he yelled, "Ow! What the hell?"
Ben huffed, "What the hell you ask? I'm pretty sure you get the gist from the position you're in. And if not, I'm sure you will get it here momentarily." As Ben finished speaking he let his hand do the rest of the talking as he came down with a steady barrage of hard slaps to Michael's bottom.
Michael, never being the quiet or stoic type, squirmed to get up and yelled through the swats. "Yeah I get the gist, what I don't get is why you think you can do it! Ow damn it that really hurts! You can't fucking spank me like I'm some little kid, I'm your partner! Ouch Ben! Knock it off!"
Ben didn't stop, and in fact started coming down harder with faster swats as he responded, "I'm treating you like your acting, and I will not knock it off until I know that I've gotten through to you how important your safety is to me! Do you know what that would have done to me if you had accidentally jabbed yourself with one of my infected needles and really got infected? What it would have done to your mom and the rest of your friends to find out?"
Michael had trouble believing this was happening in the first place, but as the swats kept coming, and as he realized his squirming wasn't getting him anywhere, the pain went past the point that he could easily push it aside. He also couldn't ignore Ben's words as his mind flashed on what his Mom would look like if he had to tell her he was positive. Wanting Ben to stop, both because the pain was getting to him, and because he wanted a chance to explain, Michael put his hand back to try and cover as much of his ass as he could. His voice was an octave higher then usual, showing the strain of keeping it level, as he yelled, "I wasn't really going to do it! I just wanted to make you think!"
Michael's hand was effective on blocking one swat before Ben's other hand had grabbed his wrist and effortlessly pulled it away from the target zone and up to the small of his back for safe keeping. Since Ben had to stop momentarily, he took the opportunity to also pull down Michael's boxers to see the progress he was making. Michael's ass was a nice shade of pink, and Ben thought to himself that it would be a deep shade of red by the time he truly got through to Michael as he began spanking again responding, "Well you did make me think Michael, and now it's time for me to make you think."
Michael strained to keep his hand covering his ass, but was no match for Ben's strength, and soon found himself completely restrained. He felt his boxers sliding down his butt and found he was actually embarrassed about it. Ben had seen him nude hundreds of times, but for some reason the thought of Ben looking at his ass right now made him blush and struggle to get up with renewed vigor. The first slap to his bare ass made him jerk in response to the increased sting. "Noooo! Ben, come on. Ow! Can't we... Ow! Can't we talk about this?!"
Ben continued to reign down hard smacks to Mikey's upturned bottom as he spoke in a clam level voice, "We are talking about this, and right now my hand is speaking. I just hope you're listening to what it has to say otherwise I think we've got a long conversation ahead of us."
Michael shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut trying to understand how Ben could be hurting him like this. Michael's feet drummed on the floor in frustration at not being able to get himself free from Ben's grasp. "You're hand isn't talking, it's hitting!"
Ben sighed hating to hear Michael in pain but knew he couldn't stop now that he'd already begun. He slowed spanking slightly as he spoke, "This isn't the way I wanted it to be Michael, but I feel you've left me no choice. Your disregard for your own safety and your lack of care concerning that fact really disturbs me." As the events of the night before played over in his head the swats increased in tempo and strength, "You need to know this wasn't some game you could play to get what you wanted. I love you Michael, and unfortunately, right now, this is the way you're making me show it."
Michael's view of the comforter blurred as he felt tears forming in his eyes because of the things Ben had said. His throat felt tight and his voice was low and quiet as he said, "I know it's not a game." He felt the first tears slide down his face and he said, "Ben... Ben please... I get it okay? I get that you're pissed. Please stop."
Ben continued to pepper Michael's ass with stinging swats as he replied, "I'm not doing this because I'm pissed Michael, I'm doing this because you scared the crap out of me! Your actions have consequences, and believe me this is far better than the alternative. So no, I'm not going to stop until you can tell me why I should."
His ass was burning, and each new swat seemed to add to the pain. With more tears coming down his face and his voice unsteady, Michael said, "I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry I scared you. Just please stop."
Ben sighed in dismay, "I wish I could stop, but that's not the answer I'm looking for from you, and you know it. You can say you're sorry all day long, but if it's just to get me to stop spanking you, I'd be doing you a disservice. You need to tell me why you deserve this for more than just scaring me."
Not getting the response he'd wanted from Ben, Michael lay his head down on the comforter and gave in to his emotions and just cried for a few seconds with big shuttering breaths. Michael knew what Ben wanted to hear, but it was one thing to know what you'd done was wrong, and something else entirely to admit it to your lover who was currently smacking your ass. Because admitting he was in the wrong would justify Ben's actions, and he hated what Ben was doing to him. Michael's head came back up at a particularly hard swat and he yelled out, "I'm sooooorry! I don't know what else to say! Please Ben!"
Ben stopped momentarily letting his hand brush gently across the seared flesh as he looked down at Michael with sorrow in his eyes, "You and I both know that you know what needs to be said Michael, and if we have to stay in this position all day, we will, but before you get up off my lap, you're going to tell me why I felt the need to put you over it in the first place." As soon as he'd finished speaking he began spanking once more.
Michael took a deep breath as the swats stopped and listened to Ben. He felt his stomach churn at Ben's words and tone. There was no doubt in Michael's mind that Ben was serious, and there was also no doubt in his mind that he was in a losing battle of wills because no way could his rear handle being smacked all day. He yelped as the spanking started again. A few seconds into it Michael gave in and tried to get out through his crying, "You're right. It was dangerous. It was wrong of me, and I won't do it again!"
Ben stopped swatting as he spoke, "I'm glad you've decided to swallow your pride and admit what you did was wrong. And just to make sure you're never going to do it again, I'm going to give you twenty more swats to let what's happening here really sink in." As soon as he'd finished speaking he came down with a slow mantra of hard slaps. Ben wanted to make sure these last twenty spanks would be most memorable.
Michael shook his head no upon hearing that Ben wasn't done. When the first hard swat landed Michael yelled out in pain and his body jumped involuntarily trying to get away from the burn. He yelled frantically, "It has sunk in! Ahh! It has! I swear! Ow! It won't happen again! Shit! Ben I promise, please no more!"
Mikey's pleas fell on deaf ears as Ben continued to reign down blow after blow. It pained Ben deeply to hear Mikey scream out in pain and know that he was the one causing him to do so, but he was a man of integrity and would not cave in no matter how much he wanted to stop.
Michael was too distraught to do much besides cry and yell mostly incoherent apologies while Ben finished the spanking.
Ben released his grip on Mikey's wrist as the twentieth swat landed. He laid his hand down gently on Michael's scorched bottom rubbing it up and down to comfort the abused flesh. He was just as glad as Michael was that the spanking was over as he whispered down to Michael, "I love you Michael, and I hope that you know I'd never want to hurt you. Just if anything were to happen to you
" Ben trailed off as tears of his sadness pricked his eyes at the thought of Michael dying with his sickness overwhelmed him.
As soon as the spanking was over, and Michael felt his wrist released, his whole tense body stopped struggling to get away and slumped down over Ben's lap. His crying became less distraught at Ben's gentle touch and words. The room was quiet for a few minutes while Michael tried to catch his breath and calm down. Once he could think straight he asked in a subdued voice, "Can I get up?"
Ben helped Mikey up as he stood shakily. Ben didn't want him to leave him so quickly and pulled him to him as he stood as well. He pulled him into a hug and squeezed him tightly, "I know you probably hate me right now, and I can understand if you do, just know you mean the world to me."
Michael felt slightly light headed as he stood on his feet. He was enveloped in Ben's warm embrace, but instead of hugging back, he put both of his hands on his rear to assess the damage. Having never been spanked as an adult, he was amazed at how warm it was to the touch, and he found that rubbing didn't really help take the pain away. His first thought after Ben's comment was that he did hate him, but deep down he knew he was finding way too much comfort in the hug for that to be true. He sniffed and said, "I think I want to just be alone for a while."
Ben loosened his grip on Michael as he placed a soft kiss on his forehead, "I would stay here with you all morning if you wanted me to, but I can understand you want a moment alone, and I will give you your space. The Memorial isn't until 5PM tonight and, I've got class at 10, so I guess I'll get heading out.
I'll pick you up around four this afternoon okay? Are you sure you're going to be alright? I can call in; it's really not a big deal." Ben gave Mikey an imploring look afraid to let him out of his sights for fear of it being the last time he saw him. He'd never done anything so extreme with any of his other lovers, and he just hoped Mikey would be home when he returned this afternoon.
Michael refused to look into Ben's eyes, and instead concentrated on pulling his clothes back on. He decided that there was no way he was going to the memorial service, that he wasn't planning to be there at 4pm, and that he needed to get Ben out of the house so he could decide what he was going to do. He muttered, "It's fine; I'm fine. You should go to class."
Ben was worried by Michael's reaction. He caressed his neck as Mikey pulled his pants back up, "Okay. I'll go, and I tell you what, I'll take off a little early and be home around three, so I can take you out to that nice sushi restaurant across town that you like so much." The truth was Ben was on the verge of calling in just to make sure Mikey would be alright after such an ordeal, but he knew the last thing Mikey would abide would be him hovering over him. No, Mikey needed time, and Ben decided he would respect that.
Michael resisted the urge to tell Ben that he wasn't going to be in the mood to go out anywhere for a while and instead muttered to the floor, "Okay."
Ben smiled feeling a little better that Mickey seemed complacent with the plans he'd suggested, "Alright then, I'll see you around three." He pulled Michael to him once more to give him a tight squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before grabbing his briefcase off the kitchen table and heading to the door to leave. As he was closing the door, Ben glanced back at Mikey who hadn't looked up at him during the whole interaction; he felt like a heel for hurting Mikey, and he hoped that he would be able to make it up to him later.
Michael waited until the door was closed and then took a deep breath of relief knowing that he could now think things through alone. His first impulse was to lay down on the bed pull the covers up over his head and pretend that none of it had happened. But he knew that wouldn't solve anything. Instead he started pacing around the living room and thought about all of it.
'I can't just let Ben spank me and not do anything about it. It's just... wrong. He had no right to do that, no matter what I did. It fucking hurt. It still fucking hurts, and it was humiliating! Bastard.'
Michael stopped in his pacing to rub his behind which wasn't doing so well with the jeans chaffing with every step. He cringed as he thought about what Brian would say. He could hear Brian's teasing voice in his head, 'Mikey got spanked? Did it get you hot? Serves you right for being in a relationship in the first place.' No sympathy on that front.
'Ben's bold gesture is going to blow up in his face. Making me admit that what I'd done was wrong before he would stop? Asshole. Asshole who's built like a tank and used the fact that he's stronger then me against me.'
Michael kicked the couch for emphasis. Then he thought about his mom. 'Mom may be annoying, but she's always there for me trying to make it better when I get hurt. And she was really pissed at Brian when he punched me.'
He walked towards the front door thinking about how much better it would make him feel to have some sympathy at this point. And he knew his mom would be on his side. He could just see her telling Ben off, and letting him know there was no way in hell Michael was coming back until he promised never to raise a finger against him again.
Debbie had just finished making her famous ginger snap cookies that Vic loved so much. There was an I Love Lucy marathon coming on tonight, and she planned to curl up with Vic on the couch with a blanket and not get out from under the covers until the 6 hour marathon was over.
When she heard the door open she thought it was Vic and exclaimed, "Hey Vic! The sugar crisis has been taken care of!" She laughed jovially. As she turned she saw Mikey standing in the door way looking quite unhappy, and instantly her motherly instinct kicked in as she set the cookies down quickly on the stove, "Mikey? What's the matter hunny?"
Michael couldn't believe how good those words made him feel. He went to her and gave her a tight hug, and was surprised when he found himself close to tears again as he said, "Ben hit me!"
Debbie hugged him back until she heard her son say Ben had hit him. As the words left Mikey's mouth, Debbie went rigid as she squawked, "He what!" She pulled Mikey back to get a better look at him to see where Ben had hit him. "Why that good for nothing! How dare he hit my son! Nobody hits my son and gets away with it!" Debbie went to grab her jacket off the wall with full intent on giving Ben a piece of her mind.
Michael tolerated her examining him, and nodded in agreement with her as she started saying the same things he was thinking. When she walked away from him, and he saw her reach for her coat he asked, "Where are you going Ma?"
Debbie huffed, "I'll tell you where, we're going to that apartment and getting your things because there's no way my son is staying in a house with an abusive boyfriend! And while we're there, Ben better hope he stays out of my sights because I don't know what I'll do. How dare he lay his hands on you!"
Michael frowned and hesitated. He'd wanted his mom on his side, but he hadn't really counted on or thought about moving out. And now that he did think about it, he realized he didn't want to move out. He just wanted to make sure Ben knew he had been wrong to spank him and wasn't going to do it again. Michael shook his head and said, "I... I don't want to leave exactly.. I just don't want him to do it again."
Debbie gave Mikey a look of confusion, "Mikey, you can't stay in a relationship where the other thinks it's okay to hit you. If they do it once, they'll do it again. Take it from me, I've watched enough Life Channel to see how these things turn out."
Michael cringed as he realized the can of worms he had just opened. He didn't really want to go into all the horrible details with his mother, but now that she was up in arms about it, he knew she wouldn't let it go until he gave her a more honest explanation then he had originally. He looked away and blushed as he said, "Well he didn't exactly hit me. I mean he did hit me, but it wasn't like you think. It was.. He.. He spanked me."
Debbie didn't quite know how to react at first as her face softened, "He what? Spanked you
What? I don't understand. What would he do that for?"
"Because... well..." Michael decided this was not a conversation he wanted to have and started moving towards the door as he said, "Never mind. Forget I said anything. Ben and I will work it out."
Debbie's eyebrows crinkled in frustration as she moved in front of the door crossing her arms defiantly to stop her retreating son from being able to escape her questions, "Where do you think you're going? You can't just drop a bomb like that on me and expect me to just let it go. Now why the hell would Ben spank you? Or do I have to call and ask him myself?"
Michael stopped and huffed in frustration before raising his voice and saying, "It doesn't matter what it was for; he shouldn't have done it! And you should be trying to make me feel better, not interrogating me!"
Debbie pursed her lips as she stood rigidly at the door, "Michael Charles Novotny! Don't you dare raise your voice at your mother! And because I'm your mother, I've got a right to interrogate you! How can I make you feel better, if I don't know why Ben spanked you in the first place? A mother's intuition tells me you're hiding something otherwise you wouldn't be tap-dancing all over the place to avoid telling me what really happened." Debbie pointed to the kitchen table, "So take a seat junior because you're not going anywhere until you spill it!"
Michael rolled his eyes at his full name, and at his mom telling him not to raise his voice. He crossed his arms when she correctly guessed that he was hiding something. And when she told him to sit down, he looked at the kitchen chairs with distaste thinking that sitting didn't sound like loads of fun. Looking back over at her, he could tell she wasn't going to budge until she got her way. He sighed and walked back towards the kitchen table, and stood behind one of the chairs. He tried to come up with a positive spin on what he had done and said, "It was all just a misunderstanding. Ben thought I was doing something dangerous, when really I was just trying to prove a point."
Debbie followed Michael back into the kitchen and grabbed a ginger snap for each of them off the stove top. Michael was speaking as she turned to hand him one of the cookies, but as he reached to acquire one Debbie absently pulled it back as she asked concernedly, "Dangerous? As in how dangerous?"
Michael let his hand drop, and looked at his mom, and said, "As in not really dangerous at all, because I was in control the whole time." He broke eye contact and grabbed the back of the chair in front of him with both hands as if steadying himself for what he was about to say. "Ben's been using steroids, and I had tried talking to him to get him to stop, but he just kept blowing me off and telling me I couldn't possibly understand since I'm not positive. And the steroids were making him a real asshole too, moody all the time and short tempered. So I did something that scared him into stopping. And it worked too, because he promised me he wasn't going to take that shit anymore." He looked back over at his mom to see how she was taking it so far.
Debbie's jaw was set tightly and the concern on her face never wavered as she listened intently to her son. When Michael paused and all that he said had sunk in, Debbie blurted out, "Steroids! I thought Ben was an educated man and knew better than to use that shit? What did you do to get him to stop using?"
Encouraged by her response, Michael said, "Exactly, he should know better right? So I got out one of the needles he'd used and waited for him to come home from the gym last night. When he got there I threatened to infect myself with it, so that he couldn't keep telling me I didn't understand what he was going through. But I wasn't going to really do it." Michael wasn't sure if that last bit was true or not, but figured it sounded better to add it.
Debbie dropped the cookies down on the table; her face contorted from worry to shock as she quickly reached over and smacked Michael upside the back of his head, "You what?! You took one of his used needles and threatened to use it on your self? What the hell were you thinking!?"
"Ow!" Michael complained with irritation clearly written on his face. "I was thinking that I wanted him to stop, and I didn't have any other way to make him!" Michael took a deep breath to calm himself down, and then looked back at the table as he said quietly, "And then this morning when Ben told me he was finished with the steroids, I was happy that my plan had worked. But then Ben blew everything out of proportion saying it was dangerous and...." He trailed off not wanting to actually say it again.
Debbie was smoldering, "Ben was right! It was dangerous! How can you think what you did wasn't dangerous?!"
Michael yelled, "Ben was right?? Ben HIT me! Repeatedly! How can you say he was right?! You're supposed to be on my side!"
Debbie put her arms on her hips as she responded heatedly, "On your side?! On your side for risking your well being to make a point? And he didn't 'hit' you Michael, he spanked you! And by the way you're reacting; he obviously didn't spank you long enough!"
Michael couldn't believe that his mom was agreeing with Ben. He had been pretty miserable and frustrated before coming over, and his mom's reaction just added to that. "Didn't spank me long enough?! I can't believe you're actually saying that, it still fucking hurts! And the part I don't think you get is that I WASN'T risking my well being Ma, the needle was barely touching my skin, and I never planned to really use it!"
Debbie admonished, "I don't care if it was barely touching your skin, barely is still too close! So yeah, I'm glad he spanked you! And I think I should help drill it into your head that what you did was really stupid! Because his spanking obviously didn't hurt enough for you to get the message the first time around! You know I still have that old paddle in the closet! I never thought I'd ever have to use it on you again! I haven't since the time you were fourteen and I caught you and Brian upstairs looking at nude mags and smoking pot when you're supposed to be in school!" As Debbie was talking, she'd stormed over to the closet and started rummaging around for the huge, thick, wooden paddle still hiding within its confines.
The blood drained from Michael's face. He hadn't thought of that paddle in a really long time. His mom had only used it on him once, but he clearly remembered it. When he was little there had been the occasional swat, and a few spankings to end tantrums, or bad behavior, but for the most part Michael was well behaved, until he had turned 14 and started hanging out with Brian. Brian had tempted him to do things that he knew his mom wouldn't approve of, but at fourteen Michael was eye to eye with his mom, and figured he didn't have to listen to her anymore. That day of skipping school had been a turning point, because his mom had decided she'd had enough, and bought that paddle to show him he wasn't as grown up as he thought he was. Once had been enough to prove to Michael that he did still need to respect his mom and do what she told him to do.
He snapped out of his thoughts and saw her half way in the closet looking for the dreaded thing. This was so far from what he had originally imagined when coming over here, that he shook his head no not quite believing it. He decided he needed to change his tactics quickly. His voice turned placating with a hint of a whine to it, "Ma, there's no need for that. You're right okay? Both you and Ben are right, and I was wrong. It was dangerous, and I swear I'm not going to do it again. In fact I already admitted I was wrong to Ben, and promised him I wouldn't do it again. So there's no need to go over it again. I'll just go home, and wait for Ben. He's expecting me home at three."
Debbie grunted as she found what she was looking for and worked to dislodge the paddle from under a mountain of assorted tools and Christmas decorations that had been stored on top of it over the years it had spent in the closet. As she finally pulled the paddle free, she examined it seeing it was still in perfect shape.
She turned to face Michael, and as she spoke, she wagged the paddle at him as if it were an extension of her arm, "Damn straight we're right, and you're not going anywhere until I say otherwise! You've definitely brought this whole mess on yourself, so you might as well stop trying to sweet talk your way out of it. Maybe if you took the time to really look at what you did as wrong instead of looking for a reason to feel sorry for yourself over getting shown you were wrong, we wouldn't be standing here having this conversation!"
Holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender, Michael backed a few steps away from her. With a nightmarish feeling of deja vu, Michael decided complete honesty would be best. As he started talking he was looking at her, but soon he was too embarrassed and had to look away. "I know what I did was wrong okay? I was angry and frustrated which means I wasn't thinking all that clearly. And then holding the needle to myself at that point was a bad idea, because I really could have been pissed enough to stick it in myself, only to regret it five seconds later. And I also know I was emotionally blackmailing Ben which isn't the nicest thing to do to your lover. But you know what? I didn't see any other options at the time. If I hadn't done it, Ben would still be using, and I don't think I could have stayed with him much longer with the way things were going. It's hard to regret something that kept us together."
Debbie nodded in agreement, "You say you know what you did was wrong, but you did it anyway? Sweetie I understand wanting to keep you and Ben together, but at the risk of throwing your entire life away? Do you think that's what Ben would have wanted? And what about me!" Tears started to form in her eyes, "I don't want to have to see my son die before me! You know what I've already had to go through with Vic and that damn disease! If you had it to..." The tears spilled from her eyes now down to her cheeks. As soon as they'd started to fall she wiped them away quickly before the feel of her own vulnerability washed her into a torrent of tears, "You were selfish Michael, on a lot of levels when you did what you did, and I have no intention of backing down now."
Feeling a lot more guilty after listening to his mother then he had after listening to Ben, Michael said quietly, "Don't cry Ma. I know the hell Uncle Vic went through, and I know how much it took out of you. How much it still takes out of both of you. I wasn't thinking about that when I did it, and you're right it was selfish. I don't know what else to say besides I'm sorry."
Debbie took a moment to compose herself as she sat on the arm of the couch. She responded tiredly, "You can say you're sorry, and by the time you leave here, I'm going to make sure you 'feel' sorry so that you never think of doing something so stupid ever again. Now I want you to go upstairs to your old room and wait for me there. I need a minute to gather my thoughts, and I need to call Vic and tell him to go pick something up from the store, so he doesn't come home while we get this whole thing over with."
Michael took a look at the front door and thought about making a dash for it for a few seconds. But he knew his mom wouldn't give up on an idea once she got it in her head, and she knew where he lived. He also knew that if Ben found out Michael had gone whining to his mother about what had happened he wouldn't be pleased. Michael thought he could make it out the door, but even if he did make it out, his mother probably wouldn't speak to him until he agreed to what she was planning.
He sighed dejectedly and looked at the stairs. He started towards the stairs slowly and muttered, "I already do 'feel' sorry." Though if he were being honest with himself he'd admit that the heat in his rear end had cooled down quite a bit since early this morning.
Debbie frowned at Michael's mumbling and responded with a hint of agitation, "Don't make me repeat myself. Upstairs. Now. I'll be up in about ten minutes."
Continuing up the stairs Michael muttered quietly to himself, "Great. Looking forward to it." He went to his room, left the door open, and sat down on his bed. He leaned his elbows on his knees, and looked down at the floor. He thought to himself, 'It's ridiculous. I'm thirty; I have my own business, and my own apartment. What the fuck am I doing sitting here waiting for my mom to come and smack me some more?' He stood and went to the window trying to estimate how far a drop it was to the ground. "Damn it, too far."
Debbie watched Michael head up the stairs resisting the urge to comment on his snide remark. For now though, she just wanted a minute to calm down and process everything that had just transpired. She was never much one for using 'tough love' on her son, but this recent stunt of his was in definite need of addressing further since he didn't seem to get the fact it was really wrong in the first place.
She knew that she first needed to center her thoughts and release her anger before she dealt with Michael, so she sat at the kitchen table in silence for about ten minutes taking in long deep breaths to ease her mind before going to the wall and dialing Vic's cell phone. It was a quick conversation asking him to pick up some ice cream. The grocery store was a good fifteen minutes in the other direction, so she knew she'd have at least thirty minutes to deal with Michael before Vic would be home. She didn't want to embarrass Michael any more then the soon to be spanking would. She glanced over at the stairs a frown fixed on her face, "Might as well go get this over with," she sighed as she headed back to the couch and picked up the heavy paddle.
Michael paced the floor waiting and became more anxious with every step. His mind raced with all the reasons this shouldn't be happening, and all the things he should be doing to get himself out of it. But it also raced with all the things both his mother and Ben had said to him about what he had done, and in the end that must have produced enough guilt to make him stay put, because he was still pacing when he noticed his mother standing at his bedroom door holding the paddle.
Debbie gave him a small sad smile, "I gather you're about ready to get this over with aren't you? I don't blame you, I feel the same way. Hopefully by the time we're done here, neither one of us will have to go through this again."
All Michael could come up with was, "Shit." Then almost as an after thought he said in a pleading voice, "Or you could believe me when I say I'm sorry, and then we won't have to go through it this time either."
Debbie grimaced as she replied, "Michael if you'd been really sorry in the first place, you wouldn't have come over here to get me all riled up and angry at Ben. Now enough is enough." She pointed a finger at the bed, "Pants down. Over the bed. Let's go."
Michael had the decency to blush, because he knew he had tried to manipulate his mother into being angry at Ben. He looked over at his bed and then back at his mom a couple of times before clenching his jaw and walking over towards it. He walked to the foot of the bed, and keeping his back to his mom he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans which quickly fell to the floor after he pushed them off his hips. He left his boxers in place and leaned down, putting the palms of both hands on the bed.
Debbie waited until Michael was in place over the bed before she walked up beside with the paddle and said, "Pants down means boxers as well young man. And I want you all the way over the bed, not just your hands on the bed."
Feeling tears forming in his eyes already, and hating himself for it, Michael lay his chest on the bed and begged, "Please let me keep the boxers on."
Debbie admonished, "I have to be able to see that I'm not bruising you, so no, you can't keep them on. It's not like I haven't seen your ass before. I am your mother for Christ's sake."
Feeling very sorry for himself and angrily wiping the tears that had spilled off his face, Michael looked back over his shoulder and said, "Like there's any possibility of NOT bruising me with that huge thing!" He turned back away, grabbed the bedspread with both hands to help keep them out of the way and said, "Just do it. I'd rather be bruised then naked."
Debbie shook her head putting the paddle down on the bed as she bent down to yank Michael's boxers down, "Stop being such a brat! I'm not going to bruise you if I can help it!" As soon as she'd finished pulling the boxers down, she picked the paddle back up and landed a good hard swat across both of Michael's bared cheeks.
Michael was too shocked to fight when he felt his mom pulling down the boxers. When she told him to stop being a brat he thought to himself that she had said the exact same thing to him when she had spanked him at fourteen. A few years after that spanking he could admit that she had been right, and he had to wonder, if some time would make him see that she had been right this time too. Then all thoughts were jolted out of his brain as he heard a loud cracking noise and felt sharp burning pain all over his butt. He let out a loud, "Fuck!"
Debbie didn't say a word but instead landed swat after swat to Michael's bottom.
Michael couldn't believe the difference in pain from what Ben had done to him to what his mom was doing to him. It was unbelievably painful, and Michael found it impossible to stay still. His whole body jerked with the swats, his knuckles turned white with the grip he had on the bedspread, his legs kicked while his butt clenched and unclenched, and he found himself yelling out uncontrollable noises of pain at the top of his lungs.
Once she felt she had his undivided attention she stated as she continued to spank, "Now I want you to think about why I have to spank you Michael. Why Ben felt the need to spank you! And once you've figured all that out, I want you to tell me how in the world you can think you don't deserve every bit of it."
His mother's words barely registered over the sounds and pain. "Aaaahh! Ma, Please! Stoooop! I'll agree to anything you say! Just stop!!"
Debbie growled in response, "I don't want you to just agree to anything I say Michael! I want you to understand why you really needed a spanking in the first place!"
"I do understand! I do! I know it was stupid, and dangerous, and selfish! I know! I'm sorry!"
Debbie slowed and lightened the impact of the spanking as she replied, "If you knew, why would you come over here to try and get me angry with Ben for doing the right thing by you?"
Michael was able to catch his breath a little and form more of a coherent thought when the pace slowed down some and said, "Because I was feeling sorry for myself, and I wanted you to tell him not to do it again!" After this confession Michael started crying hard both from the continued pain and the guilt.
It broke Debbie's heart to hear her son crying out so distraughtly. She gave Michael six more swats before she stopped spanking feeling Michael had had enough. She laid the paddle down on the nightstand and sat beside him on the bed as he cried. She gave his arm a small squeeze, "Oh sweetheart, I know what Ben, and hell, what I also just did wasn't fun for you, but you know we did it out of love don't you?"
Very relieved that it was finally over, Michael tried to take some deep breaths to calm down, but found he couldn't stop crying that quickly. His butt throbbed with every heartbeat, and his mind kept screaming at him that he really did deserve what he'd gotten. He felt his mom sit next to him, and squeeze his arm. He was crying too hard to answer, but he nodded, because he did know that she and Ben did love him. He just wasn't sure he appreciated the way they were showing him that today.
Debbie gave Michael a moment to cry and get himself together before she spoke again as she rubbed his arm soothingly, "It's all over now hunny, and I want you to know I forgive you okay?"
Michael felt somewhat comforted by his mom's words and was finally able to get himself under a little bit of control. He pushed himself up to a kneeling position long enough to pull up his boxers and wipe some of the tears off his face. He looked at his mom for a second, and then couldn't help himself from leaning in and resting his head on her chest and hugging her. There were still some tears coming down his face, but he was able to say a broken, "I'm sorry."
She whispered down to him, "I know you are," as she hugged him back tightly. As Michael rested his head on her chest she comforted him the best way she knew how by giving him a kiss on the forehead and smoothing his now disheveled hair back away from his teary-eyed face.
More comforted than he would like to be by the familiar feel of his mother's kiss, Michael found it easier to stop crying. After a few minutes he was back in control of his emotions and let her go. He couldn't quite look her in the eye, and instead pushed on the bed to stand up, and leaned down pulling his jeans back on.
Debbie stayed seated until Michael had gotten his pants pulled back up and situated. Once he had finished, she got up and went to him giving him another hug before placing a hand on each of his cheeks to raise his eyes to look at her again. When their eyes met, she smiled at him and said, "Hey, why don't you go wash your face, and then you can come downstairs and we can enjoy some of those gingersnaps and milk before your Uncle Vic gets home and eats them all."
When their eyes met, Michael could see the love and forgiveness in his mother's eyes. He nodded once and said, "Okay."
He headed off to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face a couple of times. Once he had dried off he put both hands back to rub at his rear for a few seconds, and groaned at how much it hurt. He took a deep breath and went down to the kitchen to see his mom. She had put a plate of cookies and a glass of milk on the table for him, and she was sitting in the seat across from his with her own plate and milk. He walked over to the table, stood next to his spot, and took a cookie to eat.
Debbie couldn't help a small smirk from the fact her son had opted not to sit down under his current condition. She decided quickly that she wouldn't tease her son over it since she knew how sensitive he was. She figured avoiding any more conversation on the topic would likely make Michael feel better, so she asked, "So you said earlier Ben was expecting you home at three? I thought the service wasn't starting until five?"
"He wanted to take me out for a late lunch before the service started. He was trying to be nice to me after... you know." Michael put a large bite of cookie in his mouth so he wouldn't have to say more.
Debbie smiled, "He does really care about you doesn't he?"
Michael took a swig of the milk and decided his mother was right. And the thing he wanted more then anything right now was to be home with Ben. He said, "You're right. I think I want to go home."
Debbie's smile grew as she got up to hug her son goodbye, "Alright hunny, you take care and tell Ben I said hi." And as an after thought she stated, "And don't you dare go doing anything so stupid again, or I'll give Ben that paddle to take care of you."
As Debbie finished speaking Vic walked in the door carrying an arm full of groceries. He saw Michael and said, "Hey Michael! Are you coming over to join us for the I Love Lucy marathon?" After seeing the ginger snap crumbles on the two plates on the table he added jokingly, "Or did you just come over to eat up all my cookies."
Michael gave Vic a small smile and said, "Hi Uncle Vic. I just stopped by to say hi to Ma, but once I smelled the cookies I couldn't help myself."
He turned back to his mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Bye Ma. I'll see you later." He headed towards the door thinking that he'd never give his mom or Ben a reason to spank him again, because no way was he going to let his mom hand over that paddle.
Ben had been worried all throughout his lecture about Michael's reaction over their 'talk' this morning, and so he asking his TA to take over his last afternoon class. He wanted to get back to Michael and be able to talk to him more before their late lunch date at three. As he headed over to his bike, he looked at his watch, 1:15PM it read. 'Good,' Ben thought, 'That'll give us a little bit more time to talk in private before going out in public to dine.'
It didn't take him long to get home, and his heart sank as he walked in the house to see that it was empty. Michael was gone. Ben sat down at the table letting the fact that he could have just lost Michael for good after what he'd done. He stared at the small lines in the table trying to comprehend what life without Michael would be like if he had left him.
Michael had an unpleasant bike ride home, and for once in his life wished that his mom lived closer. By the time he got home he was more then happy to get off the bike and stop moving his legs around which chaffed his sore ass. He opened the door to the apartment and saw Ben sitting at the kitchen table. He felt a rush of love for him and gave him a big smile. "Hey. What are you doing home?"
Ben spun around at the sound of Michael's voice overjoyed that he had come home, "Michael! I thought
I'm so glad to see you!" He rose from the table and went to Michael giving him a tight squeeze. He continued hurriedly trying to spill out what he wanted to say, "I was so worried! I had to come home to see if you were okay. And I wanted to say I'm sorry, and maybe I reacted a bit to hastily this morning. I hope you can forgive me?"
Michael hugged him back tight for a few seconds while he thought about what Ben said, and about everything that had happened since this morning. He let go of Ben, and took his hand. He pulled him over to the kitchen chair he had been sitting in and gently pushed him to sit down again. Once he was sitting, Michael sat down in Ben's lap and rested his head on Ben's chest. "I was pissed this morning. But I've had some time to think, and as much as I hate to say it, you were right. There's nothing to forgive."
Ben smiled as he wrapped his arms around Michael lovingly and kissed his cheek, "I was so afraid of losing you. I don't know what I'd have done if you had left me. You're a bigger person than most to be able to say that Michael." His smile broadened as Ben pulled Michael in close to give him a passionate kiss, "I guess that's just another reason I love you so much."
Michael kissed back and then said, "I love you too."
After a small pause Michael said, "Ben? Can we just stay here until it's time for the service? I really don't feel like going out. I just want to stay here with you."
Ben smiled answering, "Of course we can." Ben picked Michael up and carried him into the bedroom gently laying him down on the bed as he leaned over to kiss him and crawled on the bed next to him. He pulled Michael in close holding him and looking down at him adoringly, "You do realize passing up sushi means bean burritos or a bowl of cereal are our only other options since we haven't gone grocery shopping all week," he joked.
Michael rolled onto his side, smiled at Ben and said, "Cereal sounds great as long as you're here with me." He pulled Ben for another kiss and then said, "What I really think I'd like to do is to take a little nap. I'm tired."
Ben reached over to set the alarm for three thirty and cuddled up beside Michael with a content smile plastered across his face as the two drifted off to sleep peacefully together.
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