Author's Note: This story takes place right after the episode 'Tall Tales'.
Trickster and No Treat
Not much was said on the car ride back to the motel as all three occupants of the Impala were weary from the battle. Dean was glad when they finally arrived as the last few days had been both frustrating and exhausting. Bobby followed Dean and Sam back into the hotel room and stood with arms crossed not saying a word.
Dean went to the small fridge for a beer and took out an extra for their dad's friend. "Hey Bobby how bout a brewski dude?"
The look that he received had him wondering what exactly was going on. "No Dean and I think you need to put yours back too."
Not sure where this was going Dean ignored what Bobby had just said and exchanged a 'what the hell' look with Sammy. "Now both of you knuckleheads sit down and listen."
Dean couldn't exactly place it but he felt a familiar feeling that made him uneasy. Apparently he wasn't the only one as one look at Sam and he could see Sam also looked like he was trying to figure out what the deal was. He just ignored the feeling and straightened up and unscrewed the cap on his beer closing the door to the small refrigerator. He was nothing short of amazed when Bobby walked over and yanked the beer from his hand and poured it down the sink. "What the fuck?"
He watched with no small amount of astonishment as their old pal growled at him. "I said you were not drinking that and exactly what part of that didn't get through your thick head Dean? Both of you sit your asses down and now."
Suddenly it clicked with Dean as to why this felt so been there, done that. He suddenly thought of their father and every single time he had ridden them both over something stupid that one or both had done. Trying to pacify him they both sat down at the small table and Sam voiced what they both were thinking. "So what exactly is up Bobby?"
They were both surprised when Bobby shook his head and swore. "Damn it all to hell boys how could neither one of you have a clue?"
Dean could feel his temper straining at the older hunter's attitude. "Is this a game cause I just love games."
Now he was not happy to see a furious look directed at him. "Well trust me buddy boy you ain't gonna like this one at all."
The fact that he said it in a very intense way and had leaned into Dean's personal space had both of them puzzled. "Okayyy why don't you tell us why you have suddenly gone all Terminator then. One minute Sam and I are hunting with you and the next minute you are dumping my freakin beer. What's up with that man?"
"Well for starters Einstein there is a little matter of the two of you being on a case and you knocking back three purple slurples."
Sam couldn't help the laugh that escaped at what Bobby had said. "Nurples dude it was purple nurples."
Suddenly Bobby was nose to nose with Sam. "So you think this is funny that while he is supposed to be protecting your lame ass he is drinkin and chasing girls."
Sam swallowed hard and for some reason felt a 'no sir' slip out. Dean turned to look at him as if he had lost his mind but for some reason good old Bobby was suddenly throwing off a dad vibe. Dean was continuing to look at him as if he had just turned into some new type of demon with equal parts disbelief and curiosity. "Bobby dude like what is going on here?"
He didn't feel any better when the older hunter focused his attention on him. "What is about to happen here is two bumbling juveniles are about to get their asses straightened out."
Dean shook his head as if he didn't believe what he had just said. "What in the hell are you talking about?"
Dean stood up as he spoke and shot a look to Sammy who also looked as if he was witnessing something he just couldn't quite grasp. "I have been John Winchesters friend for a lot of years. I have watched the two of you grow up into some mighty fine hunters. But I ain't never seen nothing that could compare with the little show that the two of you put on tonight. And I know that if your daddy was alive he would whup your behinds but good. In fact I can remember both of you getting it for a lot less."
Sam narrowed his eyes as if trying to figure it out. "Where exactly is on your mind
Bobby? Dean and I have some stuff to do and it isn't like you are dad or like we are kids anymore either. So if you wouldn't mind just cutting to the chase."
Dean was nodding in agreement and it was him that Bobby focused his attention on. "Sit your behind down there buddy boy I will tell you when we are done here."
Now Dean found his temper straining to make an appearance. "Or what?"
Bobby shook his head. "Ain't never the easy way with you hard headed Winchesters now is it? I'm already gonna light your behinds up and just keep talking boy and it's only gonna get worse."
It was almost amusing to the older hunter the shocked way that both of John's sons said 'what' in the same amazed way at exactly the same moment. "Yup that's what I said and now the way I see it ya both have done wrong here and a good ass whippen will clear the air for everybody. As well as the next time you decide to make these kinds of stupid decisions it'll give you something to think about."
John's old friend actually fought the urge to smile as both boys sat open mouthed and apparently amazed about what he had just said he was going to do. He didn't want to give them too much time to think about it either. Neither one of them were little tykes anymore and he figured both were strong as a couple of ox. He knew that they woulda submitted to John but he was a different matter altogether. So he needed to take control and take it now.
"Sammy take my truck and get her washed and fill her up with gas."
He tossed his keys to the younger hunter. Sam was still not connecting the dots yet and the keys actually hit him in the side of the face. "Oh for the love of heaven."
Bobby walked over and picked them up and placed them in the boy's hand who was acting as if he was in a trance. The older hunter was a pretty peace loving guy but he had seen John take charge a time or two and he just mimicked his style. "Now Samuel."
Sam looked to first Dean and then Bobby. "But you can't
and you wouldn't
and Dean make him stop talking like that."
Ignoring Dean, Bobby crossed his arms over his chest. "Like how boy?"
Sam's eyes got even wider. "Like dad that's how."
Bobby wondered just how John Winchester ever had enough time to hunt with taking care of these two and his patience was running out. "You wanna see your daddy boy?"
He grabbed Sam's arm and escorted him to the door placing hard swats every step of the way. Reaching the door he opened it and shoved a very unhappy Sam out.
He turned to Dean and could see the boy tensed and ready for a fight. He knew that he had to get the upper hand or it would result in an out and out brawl. He had fought side by side with Dean before and he knew how much strength and skill the kid had and he also knew that he didn't know how or when to quit. If Dean had one weakness it was his father and while Bobby hated like hell to use it the fact was that it was for Dean's own damn good.
Looking into the angry green eyes he shook his head. "So just how do you suppose your father would feel about the way you handled this Dean? Do you suppose he woulda been happy with you?"
He was glad to see that he had scored a bull's eye as a flush crept up Dean's neck into his face. "Doesn't matter dude he isn't here."
But there was enough uncertainty in the way he said it that Bobby knew Dean understood he had made some lousy choices lately and was about to pay the price. "Nope he sure ain't and I wish to hell he was cause then he could do the honors and beat your butt. But I guess that'll be my job."
Not giving Dean a chance to change his mind he continued to take the upper hand. Walking by the bed where Dean sat he forcefully grabbed a handful of his jacket and yanked him to standing while he sat down and then flung the young hunter across his lap.
It happened so quickly that Dean's only response was to twist to attempt to free himself and Bobby used that opportunity to yank his arm behind his back. Lastly he threw an iron leg over both of Dean's pretty effectively immobilizing him. And he could suddenly feel the panic in his struggle. Bobby had pinned him before he really had realized what was happening and now it was entirely too late for Dean to gain any ground. And the boy actually growled in frustration which the older hunter realized would change shortly. He planned to take the boy from go to woe in pretty short order and with that aim in mind he unbuttoned and yanked jeans down to his knees.
He brought his hand down hard first on one side and then the other. He found a rhythm and continued. While he had never actually spanked anyone before it didn't turn out to be that difficult. And there had been plenty of behaviors in the past that he
would have liked to blister Dean for and now it seemed that he had a chance to make
good on that. He couldn't believe that either of John's boys had handled the situation as they had and he was going to let his hand make that clear. Dean continued to struggle and try to get out of the hold Bobby had on him but he started hearing small sounds of distress as well. And he took that as his cue to swat harder.
Soon he was glad to hear soft sobbing from the hard headed kid across his lap. "The next time you go into a job I want you to remember that your life is on the line and cut out all the crap and act like your daddy taught you to."
He swatted hard side to side and then paused again. "You got that boy?"
He knew he was just about done when he heard a very contrite 'yes sir' from Dean. Giving him four more hard swats that even had him wincing he stopped and waited until Dean got control of him emotions not wanting to embarrass him any further. He tugged up his jeans and before he let him go he gave him a stern warning.
"You just remember Dean that I'll be around and if I need to do this again I will. The job you do is dangerous enough by itself but you and your damn fool brother making stupid choices will get you both killed for sure. And I ain't gonna stand by and watch that happen. In fact if things don't change you and Sam are both gonna be doin a lot of standing."
He let John's oldest stand and looked away as he fixed his jeans and wiped his face and then stood himself pulling him into an awkward hug. "I'm sorry Bobby I
He interrupted the apology knowing that Dean had even as a kid had a hard time with emotions and not wanting to make this any harder than it had already been. Unless he missed his guess Dean was still struggling to keep from crying hard and he didn't want him to be anymore embarrassed than the spanking had made him. "Just don't let it happen again."
He was glad to see Dean look away and the attitude that he had been giving the older hunter earlier was completely gone. He did fight a smile however at the sight of John's firstborn standing there trying to rub the sting out of his behind. He considered it a sign of a job well done and even given that still was glad that he had no young uns of his own. He stood and walked to the little table and sat down motioning for Dean to do the same. All he got was a look of disbelief from the boy. "Sit down Dean I want to go over some of the things that you coulda done differently with this thing."
He watched as Dean moved a hand from rubbing his behind to rubbing it across his face in a familiar gesture. "Could I just stand for this please/"
The timid way he said it, which was so contradictory to his usual 'take charge' voice, almost caused Bobby to smile. He considered the request for a moment and wondered what John would have done. "Sit. Down. Now."
Dean did as he was told groaning as his punished behind hit the hard wood of the chair. For the next thirty minutes Bobby went over in great detail every wrong move he and Sam had made in the last case. He had a hard time concentrating because the squirming that Dean was doing was distracting.
Finally Dean put his head in his hands. "Okay, okay we screwed up about a million times and I *promise* to be more careful in the future."
Bobby looked him over and not seeing any smart ass took it to be genuine. "What else?"
Dean looked horrified for a second and then it hit him. "And I won't let Sammy do any of that crap either."
Now Bobby actually smiled. "Good boy that's what I needed to hear. Go out and send Sam in and stay away for about an hour."
Bobby could see that Dean definitely didn't want to follow that order. "Look do we really have to involve Sammy here? I got the message."
Now Bobby made a noise that sounded like a snort. "Yeah well unless you get your ass out there and do as I just told you you are gonna get some more of the message too."
Noting that Dean paled he was glad to see him stand up and head for the door. Hearing the door close Bobby shook his head and wondered how in the hell John Winchester had had any hair left at all after raising those two.
Dean headed down the long out door hallway towards where the vehicles were parked. He remained in a state of amazement about what had just happened. It had been a good thirty five minutes since Bobby had finished and his ass was *still* on fire. He found Sam leaning against the side of the truck looking sick. When his eyes connected with Deans he starting shaking his shaggy head from side to side. "No way man, I am completely not going there."
Dean must have looked as bad as he felt because Sam appeared to be in a panic. "Just go Dude. If you don't it'll be worse."
Sam looked at him as if he were insane. "Worse, worse than how you look now? I'm thinking it will be worse but it'll also be *later*."
He watched as his younger brother went to climb into the Impala. He shook his head. "Sammy I have the keys and the man hunts for a living just how long do you think it would take him to find you anyway? And then it will just be like the worst ass beating you have ever had and then some. And as it stands now it's gonna be close."
Somehow he knew that his words hadn't re-assured his younger brother as now he looked like he might just toss. Sam climbed out of the Impala looking at his older brother with disbelief. "But like Dean dude Dad is dead that part of it should be over."
He wasn't surprised by the snort from his brother. "Should be but my ass is telling a different story just go and then he will go home and we can just pretend this never happened."
Sam walked towards the motel like a man going to the electric chair and as he thought about that he realized that only one part of him was about to get zapped. Entering the motel room he felt sick to see the resolve on the older hunters face. "Let's just get this done Sammy."
As a reflex the words were out of his mouth before he realized. "It's Sam."
Bobby just shook his head in warning at Sam never knowing when to quit. "Ain't gonna matter what you got going on in that hard head of yours boy cause the next few minutes are gonna be about the other end of things."
This quickened Sam's heart rate a bit as he wondered why he had listened to Dean and hadn't just left town. Bobby sat back down on the bed and everything about his position and his demeanor spelled trouble for Sam. He simply crooked his finger and still Sam stood frozen in his tracks. "Now boy."
There was a five count and Bobby leapt to his feet and grabbed an arm and physically put Sammy or Sam or whatever he wanted to be called these days across his lap. He noted that while the boy didn't follow his instructions he also didn't fight him. He started landing swats hard and fast and like with Dean it wasn't long before the young hunter was squirming trying to dodge the hard hand. He just ignored his obvious discomfort and continued and soon was hearing small sounds which indicated that Sam's behind was feeling as bad as his own hand did.
Bobby just got a tighter hold on the boy as the twisting on his lap became more frantic in Sam's bid to escape his punishment. "Settle down now son or I'll take those jeans down next."
He would never know if it was the threat or the use of the term son but one or possibly both and he was relieved to hear Sam beg him not to do that. Then came the actual crying which told him that they were just about done. "You gonna remember the next time how serious all this is? You gonna remember that your life is on the line and do what your daddy taught you to?"
He heard Sam's heartfelt 'yes sir" and he placed another swat or two and stopped. While Sam hadn't done things by the book his transgressions were not as serious as Dean and his spanking had reflected that. Although from the heartbroken tears you would never guess that. Bobby knew that Sam tended to be much more emotional than Dean and so he wasn't surprised.
He helped him to stand and then sat him down on the bed next to him and threw an arm around his shoulders. Not having children he hadn't a clue as to what to say. "Now we both know that you had that ass whippen coming didn't we?"
Sam looked at him with eyes wide with disbelief. "That's your comforting after speech Bobby? Cause it sucked."
Now the older hunter shook his head. "Look you know I ain't got any children of my own and that was the best that I could do. If you didn't want me to smack your behind you shoulda done a better job with this."
Bobby was horrified to see Sam's eyes well up again. "Aww hell Sammy just come here."
He hugged the boy and once again wondered how John Winchester did this full time. Both of these boys were so damn smart and complicated and it was just maddening to try and figure out who needed what when. Besides the ass whippen part that had been a no brainer. He just told Sam small words of comfort and let him hold on until he was ready to let go. "Now you and I need to sit down and talk about the mistakes and how you coulda avoided this whole thing."
He stood and walked back over to the table and sat down ready to repeat word for word the same lecture that he had given Dean. Sam looked at the chair that he was pointing to and swallowed hard. "Could I just stand for that?"
Bobby shook his head amazed at with all the differences just how alike these two actually were. "No."
Sam sat down and like Dean again groaned. Bobby gave him the same lecture and sent him out to bring Dean back in. Both Sam and Dean walked back into the motel room noticeably subdued and quiet to find Bobby packing. "Well it's been
good to see you and all but we understand that you have to get back to your own life now don't we Sammy?"
Sam made a half hearted attempt at a smile. "We sure do."
Bobby rolled his eyes. "Oh bullshit you both are delighted that I am leaving. Only I'm not."
He almost laughed at the identical perplexed expressions. "What?"
Bobby turned to Sam who had asked the question. "Well I am leaving but so are the two of you. I just got a call about a troubled spirit that we need to check out. So get busy I want to be out of here in half an hour."
Dean tuned to Sam wearing his what the hell expression and then turned back to Bobby. "No really we have someplace else we need to be."
The older hunter stopped his packing and straightened up and placed hands on his hips. "The only other place that you are gonna be is over my knee again unless I see some damn obedience now!"
Apparently neither one was getting the point yet. "We are gonna hunt together for a while just so that I can keep my eye on the both of you to make sure you got my point. That way I won't have to drive five hours just to reach out and touch someone. Got it?"
Still there was silence and Bobby once again was reminded of just how hard headed all Winchesters were. "Unless I hear a yes sir in the next minute I am gonna reach out and touch both of ya again right now."
He was pleased to hear both say the required 'yes sir."
"And no drinking on the job and no women and you both are gonna start eating stuff that didn't come out of a vending machine or a fast food joint. And maybe you both need to start doing some training again. Now get busy."
He finished and took his bag to his truck leaving Sam and Dean alone again for a few minutes. Dean shook his head in disgust. "This just sucks. I think we could ditch him."
Sam looked sick as well. "Never gonna work he's a pretty good hunter."
Dean shrugged. "Okay so we just kill him or accidentally injure him like an arrow through the leg."
Sam looked closely to make sure that Dean was kidding. Bobby came back in and clapped his hands. "Get busy right damn now what are you a couple of old ladies?"
Sam looked back over at Dean and narrowed his eyes. "Okay arrow it is."
Dean started throwing his clothes in his duffle. "Later we can rock, paper, scissors for who does it."
And Sam just smiled and nodded and continued to pack.
Back to Snow White's Stories