John Winchester heard a scream from his youngest son and threw down the weapon that he had been cleaning and ran for the house. The first thing that he noticed as he was flying through the living room was that his eldest son remained sitting quietly on the couch reading the newest copy of Guns Weekly seemingly not at all concerned by the terrified yell of his younger sibling. Reaching the bathroom door he pounded on it. "Sammy are you all right?"
He was surprised when the door was thrown open and his son dressed in only jeans sailed by him and headed for the living room. "What did you do to my hair you jerk?"
John's eyes narrowed as he looked at the barely suppressed smirk on the face of his sixteen year old. "Don't know what you're talking about Sammy."
Apparently having had all he could handle his younger son lunged at his older brother and he stepped in and grabbed the still wet boy around the waist and set him off to the side. Realizing just by the way Dean was behaving alone that he was somehow involved in this John stepped in and bent down so that he was almost nose to nose with him.
"Dean did you do something to your brothers hair?"
He noticed that Dean avoided both his eyes and his question and suddenly lacking the patience to deal with the run around he responded. He had Dean face down across the coffee table before he even knew what had hit him. He landed two hard swats which sounded like gunshots to the jean clad bottom of his oldest son. "One more time Dean did you do something to your brother's hair? And understand this wrong answer is gonna get you four swats and then the next eight and then the next sixteen. Sound like fun?"
At least Dean had the good sense to reply to that question with a, "No sir."
But still the original question hung in the air and after a ten count John landed another four hard swats to the stubborn behind. This time Dean owwed through them but when he asked the question again he was still met with silence. "Okay then if this is the way you want it Dean."
He applied eight good, hard swats and he knew they hurt because his hand stung like hell and Dean had a rather vocal response. "All right, all right I get it. I'll talk."
He grasped the shoulder of his oldest and pushed him back down to a sitting position on the couch which if the expression on his face was any indication wasn't all that comfortable any more.
"Talk then." He growled it at his son and watched him squirm under the intensity of his gaze.
"I might have put some Nair in with the shampoo." John's catlike reflexes served him well as he was able to grab Sammy again as he shoved by him in an attempt to get to Dean.
And Dean must have taken leave of his senses as he laughed at his brother's fury. "Bring it on geek boy."
John gave Sam a little shake as he again pushed him as far away from Dean as he could. Turning again to his eldest son he raised an eyebrow. "You put Nair in Sammy's shampoo Dean? You mean the same shampoo that I also use? That shampoo."
He was glad to see the color drain out of Dean's face. "Well I didn't mean
I never thought
He fought his anger and turned to Sammy "Let me see it son."
Sam lifted up his hair and there near the nape of his neck were two almost bald spots and not being able to help himself he swore. "God damn it!"
Hoping to comfort his younger son he tried to remain calm. "It isn't that bad Sammy your hair is long enough to cover it."
He then turned another scathing look in the direction of his oldest child. "You are in so deep buddy boy."
Turning back to Sam he told him to go back in and get dressed. "I want to have a serious talk with both of you about all of the pranking crap that has been going on in this house lately."
Sam looked at him with indignation present on every feature. "Hey I am the victim here dad!"
Suddenly weary he scrubbed a hand over his face and wondered why with his sons it was never easy. "Just do as I said."
"I am going back out to put away the weapon that I was working on and if you know what's good for you you will not move a muscle until I get back."
Even though Dean nodded his agreement John made short work of his task and hurried back in hoping to avoid blood shed. Sam came out of the bathroom and was fully dressed and when told to sit down he chose a chair that was as far from Dean as he could get. He gave each of his sons a stern look and mentally kicked himself for his mistake. When all of this began he should have just started spanking right out of the starting gate and this could have been avoided. Well from now on you could guarantee that there would be a zero tolerance policy around here.
"I am going to go into the kitchen and get a drink of water and then we are going to have a serious discussion about some things that are going to change or both of you are going to be sitting uncomfortably for a while. Understand?"
The "yes sir" in unison was magic to his frazzled temper. But both of his sons continued to stare daggers at each other. Walking towards the kitchen he went to open the door leading to the hallway and it seemed stuck.
He heard Sam say something and thinking it was odd about the door he gave it a good yank and it opened. And seconds later he was completely covered by something that appeared to be oatmeal. He wiped a hand across his eyes as it poured down his face and turned slowly and looked at his sons to determine just which one was going to die. Dean's eyes couldn't have been any wider or more surprised and looking towards his youngest son he could smell the fear. "Dad that wasn't supposed to happen to you it was supposed
He cut Sam off in mid sentence. "Do not even speak either one of you. I am going to shower and then I am going to come back in here and the shit is gonna hit the fan in a *very* big way."
He turned with as much dignity as he could manage and headed for the bathroom to be stopped by Dean calling his name. Not even turning around he growled a low and
"Um well just a reminder to make sure and not use the shampoo."
He whirled around and looked at Dean to see if he was being a smart ass or not as that would factor in on just how thoroughly he was going to get his ass blistered later but for once he just looked horrified. "You both are in so much trouble you just don't know."
And what that he went off to shower and hopefully calm down before dealing with his sons and their senses of humor.
John regarded his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he ran a hand through his still damp hair. He scowled at the guy staring back at him. "You should have known better, those two have no sense at all of when it's time to quit."
Tugging his shirt over his head he tucked it into clean jeans and picked up his towel and tossed it into the hamper not wanting to prolong the discussion he was about to have with his two sons. Walking back into the living room he found them both in the exact position that he had left them but he noticed that at least someone had cleaned up the oatmeal mess. He was thankful for small favors. He looked from guilty party to guilty party and shook his head. Pulling up the ottoman he sat down. Knowing his boys pretty well he figured they knew exactly how much trouble they were in. "Now lets talk about practical jokes
Noting that no one spoke up he continued. "Let's review
. there was the snake in Dean's book bag."
He saw Sammy duck his head and John wondered if he were trying to make himself invisible. While the shower had cooled his temper down John felt it strain to make another appearance as he heard Sam mutter "it wasn't poisonous" under his breath.
"And then there were six hamsters in Sammy's bed one night."
And much like Sam before him John noticed that Dean's face got rather red. "Well he started the animal theme dad."
John found himself mentally counting again, as the urge to start smacking butts was strong. "And one of my personal favorites
buttering the kitchen floor, not to be outdone by nacho cheese sauce in Dean's bed."
He looked from boy to boy and fixed them with a stare that he knew would make them realize that he meant business. "And of course then you moved from food to transportation. Loosening all the screws that held the wheel on Sammy's bike causing it to fall off as soon as he got on it which by the way could have injured him seriously. And then how about taking all of Deans keys and having them changed so not one worked for car or house or locker. Good one Sammy."
He couldn't believe it when Sam smiled at him. "Thanks dad."
He shook his head in warning "Not a compliment Junior."
He sat for a moment and looked from son to son until he could actually see Dean breaking a sweat. "Okay so if you both promise me to never, ever do this crap again I think we can skip the spankings this time and this time only. If you ever start in with all these pranks again I don't care if you're thirty I will be around to blister some butts. Understand?"
He could see them both sag with relief and he hoped that he had just made the right decision. At first he had just been angry but after showering and really thinking about it he had had a change of heart. "But you are both grounded for a month."
Now the identical groans were music to his ears. Before he had a chance to start the lecture that they both had coming he heard the phone ring and got up to answer it. "Hello
oh hey Billy how have you been? I did? When was this again? Oh and he asked you to do it for me? What did he say I needed it for again? Oh right. Well actually you can save yourself the trouble cause things have changed. Yeah right and thanks."
He put the phone down gently and turned to his sons his face a study in restrained fury. And to their credit both of his sons looked fittingly terrified. But Dean as always was a fast thinker. "So Dad how is Billy doing? It's been a long time since we've seen him."
His oldest son said it in a very casual way but John could hear the panic and guilt underneath the laid-back words and he didn't fail to notice the look that was exchanged by his sons. That could only mean one thing and that would be both of them were involved. "Okay so who called Caleb and pretended to be me and asked him to collect and deliver ten buckets of Miek demon slime to our garage?"
He fixed both boys with a harsh look. "And I would be happy to start swatting to facilitate an answer."
As always Dean was the first to speak "Gee dad how could we "pretend" to be you? Caleb is one of your oldest friends wouldn't he know the difference?"
Now John nodded as he thought about that. "Good question son I'll just call him up and ask him."
As he went for the phone he heard Sammy call his name. "I did it dad. I used recordings of your voice that I have been collecting and I spliced them together and then left the message on his answering machine when I knew he wasn't home."
Now he watched as Dean pretended to look amazed. "You did what Sammy? That is just terrible impersonating dad!! You ought to be ashamed."
John reached Dean in two steps and pulled him off the couch and swatted his butt hard twice before sitting him back down. "Oh can it Dean, I know you are in this up to your eyebrows so just don't bother."
Dean squirmed but at least had the intelligence to not deny what his father had just said. "So if both of you are involved that could only mean that I was the intended target of this one."
He was relieved to see Dean look appropriately horrified. "No Dad, swear to God we would *never* pull a practical joke on you. We know that you would light into both of us and no one ever wants that."
John sighed glad that at least they were that smart. He turned to the easier son to crack. "What was the slime intended for Sam?"
He saw the boy go pale. "We ahhhh
. well we were gonna
John felt his frustration level rising again and as if he sensed this Dean answered his question. "Not what dad, who."
He turned and gave his eldest a harsh look. "Who then?"
Dean grimaced as if he were in pain. "Look dad Sammy's principal has been a real ass. Sam should have gotten that best student in his class award the guy just doesn't like him. He deserved it."
John was actually speechless at what Dean had just said. He walked the few steps to the couch and lifted Dean's chin up so that he was looking into his eyes. "You think because this guy doesn't like your brother that he deserves ten buckets of toxic ooze delivered to him?"
When he got no answer he released Dean and looked towards Sam. "And what were you planning on doing with the slime young man?"
His youngest seemed to suddenly be unable to speak. "You don't really want to know the answer to that Dad take my word for it okay?"
John thought for a moment that maybe all his fears earlier about being too tough on his sons were not really necessary. Because clearly even with all the ass beating that he seemed to do on a regular basis neither one of these boys had any healthy fear. He would change that rather quickly. "Sam go out and start washing my car and when I'm done applying my hand to your brothers butt he will come out and start to wax it. Then you can come back in here and we will have our own little session involving my imparting parental wisdom by the application of my hand to your behind. Got it?"
Sam was doing the deer in headlights thing that so often got him out of trouble but of course Dean never knew when to quit. "But Dad you said there wasn't going to be any 'talking' and we have to be able to trust your word. Did you want us to grow up with a bent sense of right and wrong?"
He often was amazed by Dean's ability to say exactly the wrong thing at exactly the right time and he gave him a look that made him flinch. "The only thing that is gonna be bent around here young man is you over my knee. And unless you want it to be something you will remember for a very long time I suggest you shut it with the smart assed remarks. Understand me?"
He was thrilled to hear a "yes sir" out of his eldest son. He pointed towards the door and dropping his head already looking wounded Sammy went. And he just stood staring at Dean and wishing that for once these two could just behave and follow the simple rules of the house. But of course that was apparently out of the question.
John saw his older son watching Sam's back as he exited the room and he was sure that the boy were wishing he were walking out as well. "So we have already discussed just how amazing childish all this pranking was I guess the only thing left is just to get the punishment over with. I think that it is appropriate that the punishment fits the crimes."
He looked to the boy who should have been somewhat nervous at this point and was amazed when he rolled his eyes. "Oh okay so I guess you're planning on putting hamsters in my bed then?"
Once again John was amazed by the degree of sass that his son had. "No but I'll tell you what wise guy when I'm done spanking your butt like you were five years old for the pranking then you can have some extra swats for that attitude. I'm thinking that will work just fine."
Not giving Dean a chance to reply he sat down on the couch next to his son and pushed the boy to standing. Then tugging on Dean's arm he pulled him across his lap giving the boy a few seconds to make himself as comfortable as possible in the uncomfortable position. He had debated taking jeans down for the spanking but had decided that no one had really been hurt during all of this and maybe just this once he could deliver a hard spanking without the embarrassment of taking down jeans. He knew that just the position and what was about to happen would be embarrassing enough for his sixteen year old son.
Even with all of that he still knew that he needed to make sure this had the desired effect on his son and he asked the age old question. "Why am I going to spank you Dean?"
It was simply fuel to his frustration when he heard the boy snort. "Cause apparently no one ever told you about permissive parenting Sir."
John felt once again like his patience had taken a long walk and he all but groaned at Dean's insistence on doing everything the hardest way possible. "One more time buddy boy and then the jeans are coming down. What are you getting spanked for?"
He watched as the boy hung his head and he knew that being serious was much worse for him than the sarcastic remarks. "Because Sam and I had this stupid idea about pranks and it just got out of hand."
Satisfied with the answer John saw no need to prolong it and just raised his hand and brought it down hard on the right side of Dean's butt in a stinging smack. He smacked side to side hard and fast and was encouraged by the degree of owwing that his eldest was doing right from the beginning.
He continued until he could actually feel the heat through Dean's jeans and then he paused. "Now that was for all the crap that you and Sammy have done in the last few weeks. This next little round is because of your unbelievable need to always have a smart remark for me."
The hunter took a deep breath and brought his hand down ten times as hard as he could and was not surprised when Dean sobbed. He knew it must have hurt like the devil especially if the way his hand felt was any indication. He rubbed a gentle hand across the boys back hoping to give him a bit of comfort.
Within a few minutes the crying had settled down and he felt Dean attempt to stand back up. "Not so fast Champ. We still need to discuss this a little more and make sure
that we are done here."
He heard Dean groan and hoped that for once he would just agree and not fight him. "Are you going to be doing anymore of this?"
He was relieved to see Dean shake his head. "No sir."
And as much as he wanted it to be done he still had to make sure. "And what is going to happen if this starts back up again?"
He could feel the struggle in his son to answer the question. "And be specific Dean, I don't want to hear the word talking either."
He wasn't surprised when Dean hung his head again and spoke softly tears evident behind his voice. "You'll spank me again."
John sighed relieved that Dean had given in so easily, or for that matter at all. "That's right son. C'mon you can sit up now."
He helped the boy to his feet and almost smiled at his answer. "Up I can do, sitting
not gonna happen."
Disregarding what his son had just said he helped him to stand and then sit back down onto the couch next to him. Looking at the tear stained face he pulled him into a warm hug glad when his son hugged back.
While Dean often gave everyone the impression that he was not emotional and avoided emotions with all that he had John knew that that was somewhat of a smokescreen. His eldest son was as emotional as anyone else but he just hid that fact sometimes even from himself. "Now I forgive you but swear to God Dean no more of this crazy prank contest or your butt is going to be very sorry and the next time I will take those jeans down to make sure you have it. Understand?"
Dean looked too horrified to do anything but nod. "Yes sir."
John gave his shoulders a squeeze. "Good now is there anything else we should talk about? Like maybe how you feel about all of this?"
John fought back a smile at the look on Dean's face. "Geez dad haven't you made me miserable enough here?"
John just pulled his son close and planted a soft kiss on his forehead, which Dean itched to wipe off. "Go on out and pick up where Sam left off and send him in."
As Dean got to the door John gave him one more piece of advice. "And don't scare him either about how badly I punished you like you did the last time."
As Dean exited John could hear him mutter to himself. "Can't even have any fun around here this just sucks."
It wasn't long before a very serious Sammy entered the room with his head down. "Samuel look at me please."
When he did John couldn't miss the tears that were already starting and so far he didn't even have the boy over his knee yet. He motioned for his son to come to him and noted with some amusement that it seemed to take an awfully long time for him to arrive. He pulled the boy across his lap as he had done with his brother earlier. "Now what is this spanking for?"
He heard Sam sigh. "Cause we got way carried away with the practical jokes."
John nodded and patted the boys behind. "That's right and do you think that you'll be doing that again?"
He waited until Sammy had answered "no sir" and then he started landing swats side to side. He had been a father for sixteen years and had done this unpleasant task many times over. And it was always the same. Dean would fight him on letting go and always had a smart assed remark which ended up getting him punished more harshly before it was done. And Sammy always acted as if John were killing him. He cried and squirmed and begged and while it did have the effect of making John feel bad he never let him off any easier. And this time was no different.
Almost immediately Sam threw a hand back to try and deflect the swats being applied to his behind. John just grabbed the hand and continued. He had given Sam close to the same amount of smacks that Dean had received and if while he knew that he had warmed the boy's behind up pretty well, it hadn't been even close to a harsh spanking.
He paused and rubbed Sam's back allowing him a moment to get a hold of his crying. "Now whats going to happen if I have this problem again with you and your brother?"
He heard Sam all but wail, "You'll spank me again."
He gave the boys neck a comforting squeeze. "Good boy that's right I certainly will. Now lets just get the rest of this done."
He raised his hand and ignored Sam's surprised wail of "Noooooooo" and finished his spanking with ten more hard swats.
When it was done he stood Sam up and settled him on his lap thinking that he if grew any taller this year soon he wouldn't fit. Pushing the dark head down on his shoulder he rubbed a consoling hand up and down his back. "Hey buddy I forgive you and it's all done now."
In typical Sam fashion he raised his head and gave his father an intense stare. "That hurt."
Now John raised an eyebrow. "Yeah that's why it works so well. Don't make the mistake of getting angry with me here buddy cause I can always spank for a little longer if you need it."
Sam's eyes widened in distress at that prospect. "No sir please I'm sorry."
"Okay then let's just consider this a lesson learned then." He continued to rub Sam's shoulders and to hold onto the boy for a while. He was never sure if the comforting was for them or if it was for himself but after a spanking was done he wanted his sons to understand that he loved them. And what's more he wanted them to understand that he hadn't enjoyed their punishment anymore than they had. Finally Sammy started to squirm and John knew that they were done.
"Go on out and help your brother finish and when your both done we will go out and get some pizza." He was relieved when that at least earned a smile from his youngest as he went out the door. He sat for a moment and thought about the things that his sons managed to get into. Even with all the uncertainty and pain in their lives they still managed to find time to just be boys and that pleased him as much as it drove him crazy from time to time.
The next morning:
Dean wandered into the living room barefoot and still in pajama bottoms and an old tee shirt that he liked to sleep in. He saw Sammy sitting at the breakfast table eating what seemed to be a bowl containing an entire box of his favorite sugar coated cereal. "Hey are you supposed to eat the whole box at one time? Dad isn't gonna be happy about that."
His eyes narrowed when he heard Sam mumble through a mouthful of cereal. "He isn't here."
Dean turned to look closely at his sibling. "Whaddya mean he isn't here?"
Sammy shot him a well duh look and shrugged. "You were already in bed when he got a call and it was near that cabin that Caleb owns so he took the weapons and some camping stuff and booked."
Dean plopped down on the sofa relaxed to be the man in charge and then he had a terrible thought. "Oh shit Sam what gear did he take?"
Again the younger Winchester just shrugged. "I dunno Dean some rations and my sleeping bag, a lantern and
He was interrupted by his brother running into the kitchen. "Did you say *your* sleeping bag dude? Oh please tell me that he took mine."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah like after the whole skunk thing he wants to use your sleeping bag Dean."
Dean sat down hard in the wooden chair and then winced as his still sore behind made contact with the hard seat. "Oh just crap I forgot all about your sleeping bag. Look no need to panic maybe he never even used it. Yeah that's probably what happened."
Both boys turned to look as they heard the sound of their father's car in the driveway. "Okay Sam so just act like you don't know anything about this."
Sam smirked at his brother's obvious panic. "Easy to do Dean I *don't * know anything."
The door was yanked open and they watched as their father made his way into the kitchen. Sam took a close look and wondered what had happened. "Dad what's with your face and all the red splotches?"
Dean stood up and put a few feet between himself and his father who directed a glare at him. "Well Sammy is seems that someone put itching powder into your sleeping bag and the doctor at the emergency room said that I appear to be allergic to it."
Now Sam's jaw dropped in honest amazement and he immediately turned to look at Dean.
"Look dad that's a real shame who would have done that?" Even as he said it Dean realized that it didn't sound remotely like the truth.
"Sammy go and take that mountain of cereal into your room and watch cartoons in there for a while please."
And Sam being wise beyond his years did as he was told. Dean's eyes widened upon seeing this and he felt like he might be sick. "Look dad maybe *I* didn't even do this. Did you ever think of that?"
Now John fixed his son with a harsh look. "Nope never even crossed my mind son."
Dean attempted to look indignant upon hearing his fathers answer. "Well that's just not nice dad."
Now John backed him against the kitchen counter. "Oh really so then if I go in and go through your drawers I won't find any itching powder?"
John knew simply by the way Dean suddenly got pale that he was right. "Okay so maybe I might have done this but this was before you said that we couldn't do it. So technically I'm off the hook here."
John looked like he was considering that as he walked over and sat down at the table. "Yeah that would be correct if it were true. Apparently the doctor at the emergency room knows a bit about this stuff as he was a prankster before he was a doctor and he told me that this stuff has a relatively short shelf life
like say twenty four hours. And didn't Sammy have a sleep over scheduled for tonight?"
"So you know that I do realize that means that you did this after I spanked you yesterday right? You did didn't you?" Dean nodded and then hung his head and looked sick.
"I'm gonna get it again aren't I?" he asked his father in a defeated voice.
"Oh yeah you are." John stood up and pointed to the table.
"Bend over please." Shaking his head no as if he couldn't believe what was happening Dean did as he was told.
Placing a hand on his back John sighed. "I cannot believe that we are here again but we are. And I made a promise to you yesterday and apparently you didn't believe me."
Before Dean could process that John slipped his fingers into the waistband of the boy's pajamas and had them and his briefs down around his knees. And without another word he applied sixteen hard swats to his son's behind and pulled the pajamas back up. Dean was shocked at how much it stung but also as how quickly it was over and done. He felt himself being pulled into a hug and he stood for a moment and just cried. "Now that's done and I forgive you but I want a promise that this will be the last time you ever pull any of this crap with itching powder and practical jokes and especially lying to cover your tracks."
Reaching around to rub his again assaulted behind he readily agreed. "Yes sir, I promise."
John shook his head and pulled the boy close again. "I swear Dean you are going to be the death of me yet."
For some reason his eldest son smiled. "Really all those demons and bad things you fight and you're worried about me?"
John pulled back and shook a warning finger in his face. "That wasn't a compliment Junior. This ends now for all time
He was again relieved to see Dean nod that he had indeed this time gotten the message. "Good then go on in and shower and I'll just go and take another Benadryl and try not to scratch and right now would be the worst possible time to go smart assed on me son."
Dean actually looked pained that he couldn't use the remark that he had just thought of but he headed into the shower glad that it hadn't been worse. John sat back down at the kitchen table and sighed. "Well at least that's one thing he won't be doing again."
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